Whoever goes to visit in the morning acts wisely... Both adults and children know that when visiting and at the table you should not behave like the famous Winnie the Pooh. The character created by Alan Milne is by no means a standard of exemplary behavior. In order not to find yourself in an awkward position, it is useful to know basic rules of etiquette at a party and at the table.
1. Etiquette for receiving/meeting guests
Prepare to receiving guests it needs to be done according to plan and without haste, which creates unnecessary anxiety.
You should not overly decorate the apartment with flowers, in which case those brought by guests will not cause the desired effect. Be sure to leave one or two vases free, but filled with water, so that you can place the flowers you brought in without fuss and wasting time. On the table, flowers should be in low vases so as not to cover the faces of those sitting opposite each other.
For smokers, be sure to provide ashtrays and remove cigarette butts from them from time to time.
The hostess should be dressed well, but in no case too expensive or too elegant.
According to etiquette, home owner meets guests on the threshold of the apartment, helps them take off their coats and leads them to the hostess, who introduces them to the other guests.
If the guests brought a gift, the hosts thank them and immediately unwrap it.
From the moment guests sit down at the table, hosts must ensure that guests have everything at hand.
The hosts are obliged to conduct a conversation without, however, imposing it on the guests and without preventing them from freely expressing their opinions.
You can show albums with photos and movies only when everyone wants it. This also applies to playing records or playing musical instruments. When receiving guests, we can turn on music or TV only if everyone present wants it.
2. Let's go visit: visiting etiquette
But not only hosts have responsibilities towards guests. Guests also have their own responsibilities. What are the etiquette rules for guests?
When you are invited to visit, you must answer categorically whether you accept the invitation or not. If you can not come for a visit, be sure to indicate the reason that prevents you from doing this, otherwise your refusal may be perceived as discourtesy.
If you are invited to lunch or dinner, be specific. You can only be late for a cocktail.
A polite guest usually presents the hostess with flowers. They can be replaced with a box of chocolates, a bottle of suitable wine or some elegant trinket.
It is customary for guests to praise the food, but only if there are only a few guests and, moreover, they are all friends of the house. On large official receptions such praise is inappropriate. The guest should not wait for the hosts to persuade him to try this or that dish - this custom is outdated. IN modern society the guest accepts in advance that the hosts will be pleased if he likes the treat, but that they will not be offended by him if for some reason he eats a little or even does not try some dish at all.
The guest should try to maintain a conversation with the other guests, should contribute to the creation of a pleasant atmosphere, but he should not absorb the attention of those present with long stories about his family, about his work, should not be immersed in memories, have quiet confidential conversations (whispering, of course, is not at all out of the question!) or tell indecent jokes.
If a guest needs to leave early, he should choose the right moment, say goodbye to the hosts, thank them for their welcome, and leave quietly so that other guests do not take his departure as a sign that it is time for everyone to leave. It’s good to call the owners by phone one of the following days and thank them again for the hours you spent with them. And when a certain time has passed, you need to think about a return invitation to visit. This can be replaced with an invitation to the theater or concert. However, such invitations are not always required. So, for example, if young people were invited to the parents of their friends, then they are by no means obliged to invite them to their place in turn.
3. Table etiquette
It is not customary to place your elbows on the table, much less rest your cheeks on your palms. You can place only your hand on the edge of the table. While eating, you should sit completely straight, bring food to your mouth with calm hand movements, while your elbows should be almost pressed to your body, and your head should be tilted as little as possible. According to the rules, it is not necessary to tilt your head towards the plate, but to bring your hand with a spoon or fork to your mouth. The napkin is placed on your lap. A piece of bread cannot be cut with a knife, but must be broken with your hand. It is not customary to crumble bread into soup or sauce.
When we eat meat or food that needs to be cut with a knife, the knife is held in right hand, and the fork is in the left. From a whole piece, cut off a small piece and put it in your mouth. It’s not nice to pre-cut the entire portion into pieces and only then eat it.
According to table etiquette, under no circumstances should any food be eaten from a knife.
If the food does not need to be cut, it is eaten with only a fork, holding it in the right hand. IN
In general, all utensils - a knife, fork and spoon - are held in the hands only when they are used. It’s not nice to hold them when talking with a neighbor, and if you also gesticulate with them, it will look simply comical.
At the table you should eat calmly, slowly, and you should never talk with your mouth full.
Before taking a sip from a glass, you need to wipe your mouth with a napkin, as soiled glasses have an unpleasant appearance. When eating, never leave a knife and fork on the tablecloth, as this can get dirty. They are placed crosswise on the plate.
After finishing eating, they need to be placed on a plate parallel to each other (knife to the right of the fork).
Bones, fruit pits and, in general, all food leftovers are under no circumstances allowed to be placed on the tablecloth, as it will get dirty. They are left on the edge of the plate on which they were eaten.
It is correct for the lady to start eating first and finish last. Such a privilege, however, requires attention on her part, which would enable the man accompanying her, as well as other men sitting at the table, to eat in peace; it is not customary to smoke at the table until the main courses are finished.
If dishes, salads, appetizers and side dishes are served on a common platter, they are placed on the plate only with a specially designed device for this purpose, and then put back. Under no circumstances should you take your own cutlery from a shared dish. Do not also forget that it is better to serve yourself this or that dish twice than to fill your plate to the brim. If the food is hot, then it is not customary to take a piece with a fork and blow on it so that it cools down quickly. The same applies to hot soups.
While eating, do not slurp, grimace, or swallow quickly and greedily. You need to eat with your mouth closed, completely silently, putting small pieces into your mouth and chewing them thoroughly and calmly. Never drink if your mouth is full, and do so only after you have chewed and swallowed your food. This is why, when making toasts and clinking glasses, you need to be careful not to put someone in an awkward position if their mouth is full at that moment.
If you need to leave the table for a while, it is indecent to get up with your mouth full and walk around chewing. For the same reason, it is tactless to ask you to dance immediately after the orchestra starts playing (even if it is your favorite melody), if the lady has just put a piece in her mouth. A few seconds hardly make a difference. An attentive gentleman will never stop his lady from calmly finishing her meal if the dish needs to be eaten hot.
According to table etiquette, you should not use a toothpick in front of everyone - this is a very unpleasant sight. It is unsightly to remove food debris between the teeth using the tongue, as this will cause the person to make obscene grimaces.
You should never persistently force your dining companion to eat something that he clearly does not like or that he refuses because he is already full. And you should not constantly offer to drink to the bottom in order to avoid unpleasant consequences for some members of the company. It is also not customary to fill glasses to the brim.
Ashes from cigarettes are shaken off only into special ashtrays that are placed on the table. It is important to remember that you will put yourself in an awkward position if you shake the ashes into the plate on which you ate, or - even worse - put out your cigars on a coaster.
At the table you should only talk about pleasant and funny things that help create a good mood. You should never say anything that can darken your mood or ruin your appetite.
We should not forget that food for a person is not only a necessity, but also a pleasure. And recommended rules of etiquette designed to combine the practical with the beautiful. Within their framework, a cultured person himself creates tactical options.
You need to visit in the right way. This will determine whether you will be invited again or avoided in every possible way. The article will give advice on what to take, how to behave, and how to refuse culturally.
Going on a visit is an event, although rare today, but very responsible. Your subsequent visits to this house depend on how you behave when visiting and whether you follow the rules of good manners.
The same applies to the hosts - guests will happily come again if you welcome them warmly. To prepare for this event properly, it is important to know some simple rules and adhere to etiquette.
What to buy when you go on a visit?
It is indecent to go on a visit empty-handed. But not every gift will come in handy.
If you are not very close to those you are visiting, do not visit with the following gifts:
- Very expensive things. An expensive gift obliges the owners and implies a return gift.
- Cosmetics or hygiene products. Such things are chosen individually and may simply not be suitable
- Dishes, decorative elements. Many people don’t like random things in their home and carefully think through the interior
What then should you take as a gift? Perfect for:
- If there is a child in the house, be sure to buy sweets, fruits or a toy
- It is advisable to give flowers to the hostess of the house. It doesn't have to be a luxurious bouquet, a modest bouquet will suffice
- You can also take a cake, tea, a bottle of alcoholic drink, something you made yourself
What to cook when visiting?
In Europe, it is considered the norm for guests to bring their own food. In our country, this rarely happens. Usually the hosts treat the guests. Guests may bring their own food in some cases:
- If you have known each other for a long time and agree on dishes in advance
- If this is a large close-knit company and, again, by agreement
- If you are asked to take something with you
If you have not been asked to prepare food, do not do so on your own initiative. In the end, this may offend the hostess.
But if you decide to take food, remember that your dish should not overshadow the treats of the hostess of the house. Therefore, think in advance what to cook when visiting. Food should be uncomplicated, as the rules of good manners say. For example:
- Salad
- Sliced foods (cheese, sausage, ham)
- Appetizers on skewers
- Cake, pastries
Going to visit with children: what can a child visit and what can’t?
You can come to a house where there are children with your children without the consent of the owners. If you are going to a place where there are no children, then agree on this point. If the child is quite an adult, explain to him the rules of behavior in someone else’s house:
- You cannot take any things without permission
- Jumping on beds, sofas, armchairs is taboo
- It is also not allowed to be in rooms where there is no one
If the child is just a toddler, the parents' task is to monitor him. It’s unlikely that anyone will like broken figurines, overturned flower pots, a scared cat under the sofa and other “cute” pranks of the little ones.
A child should not run around in a T-shirt tucked into tights. You're dressing up. The child should be dressed comfortably, but at the same time smartly.
I’m going to visit: what should I buy my child?
As mentioned above, visiting a child without a gift is indecent. A gift for a child depends on his age:
- A rattle is suitable for the baby
- Older children can buy fruits, sweets, toys
Important: It is better to agree in advance whether the child can have sweets. Many children are allergic to chocolate and citrus fruits. Also choose a toy according to the child's age, otherwise he will not like it.
Let's go visit: rules of etiquette
When visiting, follow the rules of etiquette:
- If you come to visit and see your friends there, do not rush to smile at them and exchange greetings. First of all, greet the hosts.
- Don't rush to meet strangers in the house, let the owners introduce you.
- Don't walk around the house uninvited. If the owners decide to give a tour of the house, compliment their taste.
- Don't come visit with your friends unless they're invited.
- Do not take things without asking and do not twirl figurines, souvenirs, or other little things in your hands, do not open cabinet doors.
- Please sit at the table only by invitation.
- If you are left alone in a room, wait for the owners while standing.
- Compliment the hostess's cooking skills.
- Even if you don't want to eat, out of decency you should eat at least a little. Your refusal may offend the hostess.
- Don't stay too long if you see that the owners are tired. You can stay as a guest until a maximum of 23.00. Exceptions are weddings and New Years.
- Don't stand at the threshold saying goodbye for a long time. They thanked us, got dressed, said goodbye, and left.
- Be sure to let them know that you successfully got home and thank them again for the invitation.
- Cultural guests make a counter-invitation. If it is not possible to invite you to your home, then they invite you to a cafe or cinema.
What to take to your boyfriend's house?
- If a guy invites you over, ask whether he will be home alone or with his parents. In the second case, take care of a gift for parents
- It could be sweets, flowers for mom, a cake. If you are alone, prepare something with your own hands, this way you will show your best side
- You can buy some minor but useful gift for your boyfriend. What exactly it will be depends on the guy’s interests. He might like a world map or a new computer mouse.
I'm going to visit a girl: what to give?
As for men, they should also think in advance about a present for relatives and their chosen one. Be sure to present your mother and girlfriend with a bouquet each. In addition, you can take cake, sweets, delicious tea in beautiful packaging.
Guys, remember, not all girls love soft toys. Keep this in mind when you visit.
Should you always take flowers when visiting?
Flowers may not be purchased in certain cases:
- You are going to a man
- The hostess doesn't like flowers
- You go to your close friends to sit in a cozy family atmosphere
- You came unexpectedly or did not make an appointment in advance
In the event that you are going to an official event (wedding, birthday, christening), you need to buy flowers.
Sister goes to visit brother: what to take with her?
If relatives go to visit each other, it is easier to decide on gifts and treats. It is important whether the brother is married and has children. Provide nice gifts for family members.
You can buy clothes, toys, and sweets for children. For my husband's wife - cake, tea and coffee, her favorite flowers. You can cook your brother’s favorite dish, buy a treat for tea.
I don’t want to go visit: what can I say?
There is nothing worse than promising to come and not showing up.
If you cannot come, please let us know in advance, preferably not on the day of your visit, but several days in advance. If there is a good reason, tell the truth. Eg:
- Urgent matter (explain which one)
- Illness of you or your loved ones
- Urgent work matters
Never say:
- That you have changed your mind and are going to visit others
- What do you host?
- That you don't have money for the visit
If there is no specific reason for not wanting to visit, you still need to refuse in a cultural manner. For example:
- Call it a headache
- Say that there is a breakdown at home and plumbers, electricians or other services should come
- Say you're out of town if you travel frequently. But in this case you shouldn't get caught
Be sure to express your regret and apologize.
You can tell your close friends the truth. For example: “I don’t want to spoil everyone’s mood and holiday, because I’m not worried.” better times" Friends will definitely understand and support you.
Toast to the assembled guests
Toasts are usually made at the table. You can say it in your own words, in prose or poetry. Options to note:
“I want to say a toast to the guests,
For family and friends.
You allow in your honor
It's a fun toast to read to you.
To wish you good health -
This is the first. Second -
Wish you fulfillment
All your hopes and accomplishments!”
“I propose to drink to the guests who bring so much joy and fun to our home! It’s scary to even imagine how uninteresting and boring our life would be without guests. How pleasant are the worries and troubles, the noise and fun during those festive moments when we are expecting guests! Today I raise my glass to our pleasant and welcome meetings, to dear guests visiting us with joy, to Happiness and Joy never leaving our home. To welcome and long-awaited guests!”
“With all my heart I want to thank the guests gathered at this festive table. Thank you for sharing this celebration with us, for your generous gifts and kind words. Be happy, dear guests!”
Receive guests warmly and cordially, visit with a good mood and nice surprises. Then your life will become brighter and more interesting, and there will be people in it who can share your joys and sorrows.
Video: rules of etiquette at a party
When we come to visit, especially to unfamiliar people, a lot of questions arise. The answers to them are not always obvious: what to do if you accidentally broke the host’s dinnerware, how to behave when you are persistently asked to take away the remaining treats, is it polite to ask for more? AiF.ru helped to understand them teacher-consultant on etiquette and business protocol Tatyana Nikolaeva.
1. Is it polite to bring your own drinks and food to a party if for some reason you did not coordinate them with the hostess’s menu?
There is one thing important rule: all drinks (food) that guests bring with them must be placed on the table by decent people. Naturally, a situation may arise that your alcohol (dish) simply does not fit into the already created menu. For this reason, I would recommend choosing universal drinks, such as cognac. Another option is that you can bring something and tell the hostess that it is personal to her, her family. Then she has the right not to put your food gifts on the table.
As for some dishes that you spontaneously decided to take with you, it is better to refrain from such an idea. Suddenly your salad will be the same as the hostess’s, and guests will begin to compare them. It's unlikely that anyone will like it.
2. Is it polite to ask for more?
If there is enough food, your request will only please the hostess; for her it is a kind of praise. But when the last spoon remains, she herself must either distribute it among those who want it, or offer it to someone who has been particularly generous with the dish.
In general, there is nothing criminal in such a request. For example, there is the last piece of cake left. You may well split it in half with your neighbor or the one sitting opposite you. If they do not support your initiative, say the following phrase out loud: “since everyone refuses, with your permission, I will eat this piece of cake.”
3. How to give up alcohol if for some reason you don’t drink?
Refer to the doctor's prohibition. But this may provoke another question from others: “What happened to you?” Therefore, this option is suitable for unfamiliar companies, where they are unlikely to ask you about the details.
In the event that you do not drink according to your ideological convictions, it is absolutely not necessary to voice them to the assembled guests. Just limit yourself to the phrase: “I don’t drink.”
Also, in order not to attract attention to yourself, you can always pretend that you are drinking (wet your lips with champagne and put the glass down). However, there is another danger here - in any company there are people who consider it their duty to get everyone around drunk. It is unlikely that your little lies will escape their eyes.
4. If you don't eat an ingredient in a salad, can you carefully remove it and leave it on your plate while you eat the rest of the dish?
It is better to refuse the dish altogether. Picking out onions, peas, or any other ingredient based on your taste preferences will spoil the appetite of those around you.
Another question is when a person has medical contraindications (for example, allergies). It is better to immediately voice them quietly to the hostess. And she will already tell you what you can eat and what you can’t.
Again, there is no need to tell everyone that you are vegan or fasting. this moment. This is personal information. By the way, let me remind you that fasting is not only a refusal of food, but also a refusal of some kind of entertainment. Since you have decided to limit yourself in food, stay at home, there is no need to visit guests.
5. How to behave if you see a dirty spoon or hair in the salad?
Of course, in such a delicate situation there is no need to demonstrate either one or the other. A good housewife always watches whether her guests are eating or sitting with their hands folded. In the latter situation, she will certainly ask: “Is something wrong?” At this moment you should quietly say: “Please replace my portion.” This phrase is enough for the hostess to fulfill your request without asking unnecessary questions.
You can also take the initiative yourself and quietly, without attracting the attention of guests, ask to change the plate.
6. Is it possible not to finish eating some dish?
Yes, each of us has our own taste preferences. The owner cannot know them. But a well-mannered person will never say that, for example, he does not like fish (any other product), so he will not eat it. He will agree to try the dish, he will simply ask for a very small portion, for example, saying that he is already full. In addition, it is very important to praise the hostess, this way you will show respect for her efforts.
7. Do you need to warn the hosts that you will not be coming to the celebration alone?
It’s a must, because people calculate a certain number of servings, seats, and so on. You cannot bring anyone with you, not even children, without the owner’s permission. Such points should be discussed. To clarify the situation, you can use the phrase: “I would love to come visit, but, unfortunately, I have no one to leave the child with.” If the owners tell you - it’s okay, come with your children, then you can do it with a clear conscience.
8. Is it appropriate to offer your help to the hostess, for example, bringing dishes to the table, washing dishes, etc.?
It all depends on the degree of intimacy with your host. When you are not very close, of course, it is worth offering help, but in no case should you insist. If the hostess said: “Thank you, I’ll do it myself.” Don't contradict me. You also cannot take charge of someone else’s kitchen, climb into the refrigerator, cabinets, etc.
I would like to note one more important point: washing dishes in the presence of guests is wrong. This is a kind of hint that it’s time for everyone to leave. The only thing that can justify you in such a situation is the lack of utensils to serve the following dishes.
9. How late is it acceptable?
It is permissible to be late only 15 minutes. This is exactly the time when guests arrive. Not everyone can show up exactly at the appointed time. By the way, keep in mind that arriving earlier than the deadline is also ugly. The maximum you can afford in this case is 10 minutes (before the start of the celebration).
If for some reason you are delayed for more than 15 minutes, call the hostess and tell them to start the feast without you.
10. If you accidentally break something in the house, how to get out of this situation?
Any material damage must be compensated. But this does not mean that you should drop everything and run to the store for new glasses. Offering money is also not always correct. In such a situation, it is better to then bring back what you accidentally broke. I want to emphasize that the owners must behave with dignity in this situation. If, because of a guest, your favorite glasses accidentally turned into fragments, there is no need to lament about this.
11. How to correctly ask for a dish that is far away from you?
It is quite correct to ask the person sitting closest to him to pass the dish. You can also give your plate so that it can be served to you. But there is a slight difficulty here - it is transmitted with devices, and this is not always convenient.
If we are talking about a lady, she turns to the man who is on her left. Let me remind you that in ideal guests are seated one at a time: man - woman, man - woman. The guest turns to him: “Could you, Ivan Petrovich, ask me to pass that salad over there?” And Ivan Petrovich is already acting according to the scheme that I mentioned above.
12. Is it appropriate to take shoes and slippers with you when you are invited to visit?
Let me start by saying that it is inappropriate to take off your guests’ shoes. It is not right. But, you must admit, few people want to sit at the New Year's table in winter boots. Therefore, taking replacement shoes with you is a great solution.
Of course, when you drop in on a friend for a cup of coffee, you can easily walk around her apartment in socks (tights), but if we are talking about some kind of gala dinner, where the ladies wear evening dresses, such a look is inappropriate. It is important to choose replacement shoes to match your outfit. This rule applies to both men and women. Shoes only, no slippers!
13. When you are invited to visit, is it possible to ask the hosts who else will be present at the evening?
Asking such questions is rude. However, good hosts themselves must make it clear to the guests what kind of party they are planning. Of course, no one will tell you by name the names of all those invited, they will simply outline the picture in general terms. For example: there will be colleagues from work, my mother, relatives, etc. This way you will understand the level of the upcoming event and choose the appropriate outfit and image.
14. When we go into the bath to wash our hands, should we ask the hostess for a towel, or is it better not to bother her?
Drying yourself with your host's towels is bad manners. Never do this. To avoid such situations, you need to prepare for them. Have a stack of clean towels ready for your guests with a bin (basket) where they can be thrown. As a last resort, use thick, disposable napkins (also with a recycling bin) for the same purposes.
15. How to behave when the hostess persistently invites you to take away some of the treats?
If we are talking about close people, then it is quite possible to agree to such a proposal. But when we are dealing with a relationship of a completely different level, the hostess should not offer such things, and you have the right to refuse. The main thing is that you don’t ask for anything from the holiday table.
16. What topics are best not to raise at the holiday table?
You should definitely not raise topics that will lead guests to arguments, discussions and quarrels. I mean politics, sports (if fans of different teams gather). They do not discuss bad news, even when it is socially significant, health issues. Of course, you shouldn't gossip about other people.
17. Is it possible to ask the hostess to serve tea or coffee before the sweets are brought?
Remember: you don’t need to demonstrate your habits in someone else’s house. It is better to follow the owners' program, since anything that goes against their plans causes certain inconvenience. Even if you really want tea or coffee, the most you can do is ask for a glass of water. Such a request is easier to fulfill than making a hot drink.
18. When is it appropriate to leave and how to react to the persuasion of the owners to stay and sit a little longer?
If you know you will have to leave early, discuss this in advance. And, since you are leaving the event critically early, it is better to say goodbye only to the hosts.
Serving tea and coffee indicates that the program has come to an end and after about 15-30 minutes you need to get ready to go home. As for persuading people to stay: if you decide to leave, go. Don't give in to requests to stay another half hour. Otherwise, you might just bore people.
Reception of guests Houses- this is a troublesome matter. Personally, I prefer to celebrate all celebrations in a cafe. But, on the other hand, when guests periodically appear in the house, the house seems to come to life. It’s especially nice if your guests liked it and said that they would be happy to come to you again. Unfortunately, you don’t always feel “at ease” when you come to visit. How can you welcome guests at home so that they feel comfortable and you enjoy it? Let's try to avoid the most common mistakes when hosting guests.
Meeting with guests
The most correct meeting guest- this is cordiality and personal greeting. Agree, you don’t feel very good when you ring the doorbell, a lathered-up hostess runs out and shouts: “Come in quickly, otherwise my pie is on fire.” Prepare all the main dishes in advance so that you can greet your guests at the appointed hour in a beautiful dress, makeup and an expression of joy on your face. The arriving guest must be helped to undress and take off his shoes, take his outerwear and hang it in the designated place.
First inconvenience arises it is here, when you are left to your own devices at the entrance, that you awkwardly squeeze your coat onto a common hanger, from where it safely falls, and you try to place your shoes in the free space, where, as it turns out later, you can’t put them, because Small child owners like to crawl there. To avoid such awkwardness, organize the first steps of the guest in your home. As for the shoes in which the guest will walk on your “carpeted parquet floors,” the options are as follows. If this is a celebration where people will come in elegant dresses, then it is better at the time of the invitation to ask them to take their shoes with them.
Agree, the lady in the evening dress will feel more comfortable in shoes than in worn-out indoor slippers. But without prior warning from the hostess, guests are unlikely to think of taking shoes, and then, suddenly, you have expensive parquet flooring that can be scratched by heels. If friends are just going to sit in a pleasant company, offer slippers, but don’t insist. Your job is to offer. Maybe the guest will be more comfortable barefoot than grandpa's size 46 slippers. “Where can I get so many slippers for everyone?” you will be indignant. I give free advice: when you travel and stay in decent hotels, they give you a robe and slippers. These slippers are disposable and are thrown away after use by the guest anyway. Therefore, you can safely expropriate them and create your own collection of slippers for guests. My guests even have their favorites: “I’ll have my French slippers, please!”
After the guest has entered living room, he must be introduced to other guests if they are not familiar. The hostess should also arrange seating at the table, because this is also one of the “leading” awkwardnesses - where to sit. Seat your guests so that they feel comfortable sitting next to each other, and, as expected, sit on the edge so that you can serve or remove something without disturbing the guests.
Another important point when meeting guests: invite them to wash their hands and immediately show them where the toilet is if it’s your first time as a guest. Some invitees will simply be embarrassed by this natural procedure. Don't forget to have a few clean hand towels in the bathroom to prevent guests from getting lost in your bath sheets or wiping their hands on your foot towel.
The main thing is to feed and drink!
Yes, of course. But the top indecency- force them to do it. A normal adult will decide for himself what he wants to eat. Therefore, all treats should be shared on the table. There is no need to take the guest’s plate and put “a little bit of everything on it, otherwise he will be embarrassed,” except if the guest himself asked to look after him in this way. When preparing dishes for a celebration, it would be fair to ask whether any guest is on a diet or fasting. In this case, the menu should include lean and dietary dishes.
Respect traditions and tastes invited person, there is no need to exclaim: “Don’t show off, dear! There’s just a little sour cream, it won’t harm your post!” It is better to immediately tell such a guest what dishes have been prepared taking into account his needs, and then let him decide for himself whether he should “sin” with the sausage or not. And even more so, never force a guest to drink alcohol! Honestly, I don’t want to go to visit those who force you to drink alcohol, while blackmailing your beloved: “Do you respect me?” Alcohol is a personal and voluntary matter. It is better if you have several alcoholic drinks prepared to choose from, and not so that on command we all drink cognac together.
Check the availability of devices nearby each plates during table setting. It will be very awkward for the guest to tell you about the absence of a glass or fork when everyone has already raised their glasses for the first toast. Having a table knife is a must, even if you personally think it’s overkill for a home meal. Take care of the cutlery on common dishes, which will be convenient for putting salad or meat with gravy on your plate. It is inconvenient to “shove” food from a common salad bowl with your used fork. Expressions like “everyone here is friendly” are good to a certain extent, when informal behavior at the table fits within the framework of household etiquette and hygiene. For example, it is not at all necessary to serve a dessert knife and fork with cakes, following the rules of high restaurant etiquette. Guests can easily take these cakes with their hands. And for a cake with cream, just a teaspoon will do. And don't forget that coffee or tea is served without sugar. Sugar, cream, honey are placed separately on the table. There is a separate spoon for sugar, and each cup of tea (coffee) has its own teaspoon. Everyone's taste for sweetness in hot drinks is different. You can’t ask “who needs how much sugar” and add it yourself.
Thank you for leaving
See off guests- this is art. Even more than meeting. After all, according to etiquette, it is believed that the guest should not suspect the “long wait” of his departure. Here you can spin as you want, but hints about leaving should be transparent. Although, Uncle Vasya, a well-tipsy relative, can be frankly sent away by wishing him good night. If your guests don’t understand your hints when you “pleased, but very tired” fall on the sofa and continue a nice conversation while eating the last piece of cake, ask how many taxis they should order. We must understand.
More than a hint frank, and seemed to take care of the guests. At parting, you don’t need to tell your guest how hard it was for you to organize this banquet, and how much money was spent and your nerves were frayed. The person should leave with a clear desire to return to visit you as soon as possible!
Going to visit, receiving friends and acquaintances at home is a long-standing tradition. In both cases, we hope to receive positive emotions from communication. But it happens that after another such visit, a not very pleasant “aftertaste” remains. Maybe the whole point is that we just don’t know how to behave when visiting?
Strict adherence to the rules of etiquette was instilled in our ancestors from early childhood and was practically “in the blood.” Does modern man need all these ceremonies? Or is the ability to behave correctly the key to a worthy reputation and good relationships beyond time?
Each time has its own etiquette
Of course, prim, ancient ceremonies are inappropriate in our time, but even now, when going on a visit, you definitely need to know the rules of etiquette. Especially if you are not going to close relatives or friends, but to unfamiliar people. Naturally, you want to make a good impression on them and not get into an awkward situation in someone else’s house. In order to feel more confident, you need to know how to behave when visiting. It doesn’t hurt to have an idea of how you should receive guests yourself.
But, unfortunately, in our time it is not customary to pay much attention to etiquette, and not every modern person is familiar with the existing rules. Let's try to fill this gap.
How to invite someone to visit?
First of all, you need to know that it is customary to invite people to visit no later than a week before the scheduled meeting. This is not just a requirement of etiquette: your potential guests may have other plans that they will have to adjust in order to respond positively to the invitation. Behind a short time they won't have time to do this.
If you have invited a person who does not like or is in conflict with another friend or relative of yours, then the latter should not be invited this time.
Inviting a guest in the presence of another friend whom you do not plan to invite is unethical.
Are you going to invite people over whose relationships you know nothing about? Then it’s worth telling each of them about the other. Thus, the situation will “resolve” by itself. It's better to have one less guest than to have everyone else's mood at risk.
Guests are on the doorstep. How should owners behave?
Do not forget that it is the owner who is responsible for ensuring that each of the guests feels comfortable visiting him. Therefore, the conversation must be directed so that the topics of conversation are close and understandable to each of the guests, so that everyone can take part in it and express their own opinion. But it’s also not worth forcing someone to carry on a conversation against the will of the invitee.
If the host suddenly notices that the danger of an argument is brewing among the guests, you need to tactfully move the conversation in a different direction. Intuition will tell you how to do this. Perhaps a well-timed joke or distracting remark will help.
Host-spouses should behave evenly with each other when visiting, avoiding any arguments or excessive demonstrations of love.
Without an invitation to visit - no, no!
Well-mannered people visit only by invitation. You should not take literally the words that you are welcome at any time, and you are always a welcome guest. And even if they are truly sincere, it is impolite to “drop in” into a house without first agreeing on this visit with the owners. And only in relation to the closest friends and family can sometimes an exception be made. But it’s better to warn even them about the upcoming joy of meeting you in advance.
If you are invited to visit, you cannot bring friends, acquaintances or children with you without notifying the hosts in advance.
When going on a visit, well-mannered people leave their four-legged pets at home. Hosts should also ensure that their pets do not bother guests.
What to take with you when visiting?
When guests are invited to celebrate a birthday, wedding, housewarming or other significant date, they always buy a gift for the hero of the occasion. And if the meeting is not connected with any date, then don’t come empty-handed? What's best to bring? You definitely can't go wrong if you give flowers to the lady of the house. It is appropriate to bring cake, candy or other sweets. If there are small children in the house, you can bring a small toy for them.
And most importantly - take it with you to visit good mood. After all, the most important thing when visiting is not a rich meal, but an interesting lively conversation, friendship and human warmth.
How to behave when visiting? Rules of etiquette
You need to come to visit on time. If you arrive earlier than the agreed time, the hostess may not have everything ready yet, or she may not have time to get herself in order for receiving guests. If you are late, the prepared dishes may get cold, and the hosts and guests who arrive on time will become nervous.
Upon entering the house, first of all, you need to greet the owners and other guests. It is tactless to stare at everything around you demonstratively. But it doesn’t hurt to praise the owners for the comfort created in their home - they will be happy.
It is inadmissible to express noisy emotions about a meeting at a party with an old acquaintance or friend. It is better to show the joy of a meeting with a smile and a calm, polite greeting. Remember the lessons of good manners.
If, on the contrary, something upset you or someone offended you, this should not be demonstrated to others, so as not to spoil their mood.
Elementary rules on how to behave at a party stipulate that men must look after women. Representatives of the stronger sex help ladies who enter the room to take off their outerwear, at the table they put food on the plate of the woman sitting next to them, and pour drinks for her. But to show one’s sympathy too openly, much less to let one’s hands go, is extremely uncivilized. If you like a beautiful stranger so much that you want to start a relationship with her, it is better to get her phone number.
When leaving, you should say goodbye to everyone present, or at least to the owners. If you need to leave early, you should warn the hosts about this, explaining the reason.
Basic rules of table etiquette
Despite the fact that we do not go on a visit to eat delicious food, not a single such trip is complete without a feast. Therefore, it would not be amiss to remind you how to behave at the table.
The first thing you need to do when you sit down at the table is to put a napkin on your lap. Remember that it is intended to protect your clothing and should not be used to wipe your hands or lips. When you need to leave the table, you can leave your napkin on your chair or to the left of your plate.
Before you start eating, wait for the owner of the house to do so. Before sipping the drink, you must thoroughly chew and swallow the food and wipe your lips with a napkin. A person familiar with the rules of etiquette will never wash down food that is in his mouth. And one more small nuance - before pouring a drink into your glass, offer it to your neighbor at the table. After your meal, don't forget to thank your hosts and praise the choice of dishes.
How to use cutlery correctly?
There is a simple rule for using cutlery: first of all, you need to take the one that is located furthest from the plate, and then the one that is closest to it.
The fork should be held in the left hand, tines down, and the knife in the right.
The fork handle should be held so that the middle and thumb hold the base, and the index finger is located on top.
Shared cutlery is used only for the purpose of putting food from the shared one on your own plate, but putting a shared spoon or fork in your mouth is strictly prohibited!
During a short break in food, cutlery is placed by crossing them perpendicularly: knife to the right, fork to the left. To show that you have finished your meal, simply place these cutlery parallel to each other on the plate.
Ten "NOT" away
Don’t forget about how you shouldn’t behave when visiting. The rules of good manners include the following “NO”:
- do not enter the bedroom or kitchen without the owner’s permission;
- do not put your elbows on the table, do not swing your arms;
- do not talk on your mobile phone at the table;
- do not chew with your mouth open;
- don't slurp;
- do not abuse alcohol, do not allow yourself to get drunk;
- do not force others to drink alcohol;
- do not force guests to make toasts;
- do not show dissatisfaction with treats or company;
- don’t stay too long at a party, don’t ask to spend the night.
Rules of behavior at a party for children
Not only adults, but also children come to visit. If you take your beloved child with you, you can control his behavior. True, it is important to remember that you should not raise him at a party, and if necessary, comments should be made in a quiet voice.
But if a child is going to visit a peer unaccompanied by adults, parents should remind him how to behave when visiting.
Visiting is only possible by invitation.
If a child is invited to visit alone, you cannot take brothers, sisters or friends with you.
You cannot go to visit without the permission of your parents and the parents of the friend to whom the child is going.
It is important to be punctual and not to be late. You are allowed to arrive no more than 15 minutes late. If you cannot arrive on time, you must notify the hosts in advance and apologize.
When visiting, the child should greet a friend and say hello to his parents.
When entering the apartment, you must remove your shoes.
The child must notify the friend’s parents what time he plans to leave and how he will get home.
When asked if the child wants to drink or eat something, he should answer not with a nod or shake of the head, but with the phrases: “Yes, please” or “No, thank you.”
It is rude to ask the host to open gifts, even if the child really wants to see what the other guests brought.
When visiting, you cannot shout loudly, and it is absolutely unacceptable to be rude. You need to speak calmly.
Children should not be kept waiting if the owners invite them to the table or offer to play or look at photographs. According to etiquette, you have to agree, even if you don’t want to do it.
You can't jump on the sofa, fool around, throw pillows.
Climbing into a chair with your feet up is bad manners.
When leaving the guests, you need to thank the hosts for their hospitality and promise to ask your parents when you can invite your friend to your place.
You need to thank for the party at least twice. The first - before leaving home, the second - by phone the next day.
It would be a good idea for adults to take these lessons of good manners into account.
Knowing and following the rules of etiquette regarding how guests should behave, you will leave only pleasant impressions and will always be welcome in any home.