Surely many people are concerned about the question of whether friendship exists between a man and a woman. This is a rather complex question, so there is no exact answer to it. One thing is for sure: friendships between two girls and between a guy and a girl will differ radically from each other. Some aspects of the relationship will be similar, but overall such a friendship will have many differences from the one that occurs between two friends.
This is a mutually beneficial process of communication between two persons, each of whom receives some specific benefit. This benefit can be of different types:
- material;
- psychological;
- emotional.
By material benefit we mean something quite tangible; it is often received in the process of communication by colleagues or business partners. Sometimes this benefit can be of an energetic nature, when one person uses another to pour out his soul, thereby becoming heard, understood and receiving moral satisfaction from communicating with a friend. This also includes the type of friendship when two people relax together and keep each other pleasant company, exchanging pleasant emotions and sensations.
Speaking about friendly relations between a man and a woman, you need to understand one thing: in order for this friendship to take place and be mutually beneficial for both, all factors must be taken into account.
One of them in this case is sexual desire, which by definition cannot be satisfied, unless, of course, it is an intimate relationship, but they are the exact opposite of friendly ones.
Typically, the range of activities and topics of communication for intergender friendships is strictly limited. There are several main ones:
- a walk to the movies;
- shared lunches or dinners;
- certain topics of conversation.
This list is not exhaustive, but it has limitations. Roughly speaking, a girl cannot afford to go to bed with a guy friend, as is the case with a friend, nor can she tell about some of her gynecological problems, such as irregular menstruation or the appearance of strange discharge. However, this does not apply to gay friends, ex-husbands, or ex-lovers who later became friends.
In general, a close friendship with a guy, in the usual understanding of a girl, is possible only in two cases: with a gay man or ex-husband, that is, friendship with a married man now. Otherwise, it will be a slightly different type of relationship that has a certain framework. You can be friends with a classmate or colleague, but it will be a different, friendly friendship. This is due to the fact that, in addition to restrictions on the topics of communication and spending time together, in such relationships there is a factor of sexual desire. In this regard, the most effective option to avoid it would be a friendship in which mutual attraction does not arise.
Of course, there will always be some exceptions to the rules, but here we are talking more about a certain trend that can be traced in the friendship of a man and a woman.
The psychology of their communication is such that the attraction factor is constantly present. He is very strong and cannot be ignored. Most often, it is the man who is the first to take the initiative in this vein, while the girl does not allow him to cross a certain line of what is permitted and maintains the so-called friend zone, that is, in every possible way prevents him from becoming her boyfriend.
It turns out that the girl benefits from communicating with the man, and he, in turn, hopes until the very end that this will develop into something more. Guys may not even admit this fact, without giving themselves away or advertising their desires, but secretly they still hope to get this trophy. That is, as a rule, there is almost always sexual interest on the part of a man.
In very rare cases, the situation may be the opposite; this mainly happens when a man is successful, realized and famous. In this case, the girl may prefer friendship with him, hoping for the development of a romantic continuation, but the man avoids this format of relationship in every possible way and maintains the friend zone.
In a relationship between a guy and a girl, several things need to be clearly understood and shared. These include the following principles:
- Men need to avoid empty expectations.
- Girls should clearly set boundaries, that is, directly say that they do not see a guy as a sexual partner.
If a guy, having already built certain expectations towards a girl, understands and realizes that he is in the friend zone, then on this basis he may develop deep resentment or even hatred towards her. He will gradually pour out this hatred on the girl, thereby giving her an additional negative test.
The relationship between a married man and a woman is also worth mentioning. The psychology of a male representative will again take its toll here, and he will not perceive another woman as a friend, be it a colleague or someone else. A woman won’t even have to give him any reasons to create an intimate mood in him.
The most complete option for a girl’s friendship with a person of the opposite sex will be gays. This can be explained by the presence of the following distinctive features character:
- narcissism;
- lack of envy;
- lack of competition;
- impossibility of sexual desire.
It is very easy for girls to be friends with gay narcissists because they cannot stand competition with other men and will not perceive their friend as a rival. In this case, homosexuals will feel very at ease with women, because they pursue the same interests, such as taking care of their appearance and so on.
Due to the lack of competition between a woman and a gay man, the latter will sincerely give advice on style and makeup, because they will not be motivated by any hidden envy. Roughly speaking, this will be a girlfriend, only in a male guise, whose motives will not be driven by envy or related feelings, which cannot be said about women. Often it is for this reason that narcissistic women take gay men as friends, since they are the most comfortable with them.
Intergender friendship occurs when everyone understands why it is needed. A notable feature is communication between teenagers aged 15-17, when they gather in groups and communicate. In this vein, communication between a guy and a girl can be called friendship, but only until the moment it is colored by sexuality and flirting, that is, when they treat each other like brothers and sisters.
However, when these relationships move to a completely different stage, that is, communication in the group stops and division into pairs begins, then this is no longer friendship in its pure form. In other words, it tends to develop further. In general, we can conclude that the interaction between a guy and a girl should be considered from the perspective of possible or impossible family ties.
Roughly speaking, in a company all people will treat each other equally, which constitutes one type of human interaction. But when division into pairs begins, these people must invariably make some plans for the future. In most cases, this does not bode well and often only leads to unnecessary emotional wounds for young people. This suggests that it is better to avoid serious relationships at a young age.
Friendship between a guy and a girl is possible, but only for a certain period of time. Then it either falls apart or develops into something more. If it so happened that previous friendly relationships were transformed into romantic ones, then such a connection between a man and a woman will be the strongest. There was even a large study conducted married couples, which revealed that the happiest and strongest are families based on friendship. This is understandable, since there are several stages in the development of intersexual relations, each of which has its own characteristic features.
The most difficult stage in the development of relationships, at which the possibility of their continuation becomes clear, is the second year. Around this time, the so-called blind love subsides, people begin to notice previously invisible shortcomings of their partner. If love was based only on external attractiveness, then usually the relationship collapses during this period. In other cases, when there was a factor of friendship before falling in love, this develops into a further wedding and family life.
In most cases, such families are the strongest, they can be called happy. The thing is that people who were once friends have formed a certain circle of common interests.
Besides, they often have a common worldview and outlook on life. This is what plays a key role in how happy family life will be.
Ordinary friendships that arise between people of the same sex cannot be applied to intergender relationships for the reason that the psychology of friendship between a man and a woman always implies hidden (latent) sympathy of a romantic nature from one of the partners. More often than not, such hidden sympathy comes from men. As a result, if you do not immediately voice your intentions, this will only lead to disappointment and even mutual hatred.
Friendship between a man and a woman is an impossible thing: there can be passion, enmity, adoration, love between them, but not friendship.
Oscar Wilde
Is it possible to agree with the quote of this classic or still angrily refute it? Are there really no other feelings towards the opposite sex: for example, sympathy and respect during pleasant communication? What is this if not friendship?!
There are some nuances, and the writer is partly right. The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman is such that this friendship should be limited by some invisible barrier. If you jump over this barrier, it will turn into passion and love.
What is a best friend or girlfriend
Do you have a best friend? Surely you have been friends with her since childhood, and you know each other to the smallest detail. They quarreled, made up, cried into their vests, swore to smithereens and still remained true to their friendship.
You may have different interests and tastes in men, but you have a powerful rapport. In addition, you can tell each other the most secret things:
You consult on problems of gynecology and personal hygiene, without hiding the subtleties of anatomy.
You talk about sexual adventures in small details, while exchanging witticisms.
You complain about failures in love, turning your feelings inside out in revelations.
Could you be so sincere with a guy? Of course not, because there are some limits of decency. Well, of course, if this guy is not your personal psychologist, sexologist and gynecologist rolled into one. And you can tell your best friend everything, because she will understand you as herself.
It's the same for men. Each of them needs a best friend of the same gender. A woman will not be able to be trusted with secrets, receive advice and be sure that the secret will be preserved. According to real men, who have no deviations in orientation, women are unreliable, talkative, and they will not understand all the subtleties.
Therefore, do not believe the man who says when he meets you: my best friend is one girl. Something is wrong here. Here I would like to recall the words of another great man:
Friendship between a man and a woman is a relationship of either former lovers or future ones.
Bernard Show
When is friendship between two sexes possible?
If you and I have already found out that a best friend is only a person of the same gender, then is there just friendship between a man and a woman? And what is she like?
As children, we still learn relationships with boys and girls. We get together in a group, communicate on equal terms with everyone, we develop sympathy for some, dislike for others, but there is no serious love for someone of the opposite sex yet.
A little later, he begins to seriously like one of the boys. This happens in much the same way as in the article. But many of the guys in the company remain the same as they were before - just friends. In the future, they enter “the category of bros.”
A teenage group has many things in common: their environment, interests and hobbies. If in the future everything remains the same, and at least part of the heterosexual group remains together, then their relationship can confidently be called simple friendship. And it’s unlikely that any of them will fall in love. This relationship is too brotherly.
And then each of this company begins a personal life: love, family, children. There is no longer that cohesion, but warm relations remain. It is absurd for a husband to be jealous, for example, of his classmate from the company when he “likes” her on her family photo on social networks. Yes, she’s just a friend, and he treats her like a sister.
Even if he communicates with her throughout his life, then simply friendship is expressed this way:
There are nostalgic memories of the fun adventures of the company.
Meetings are rare and general - with families, without face-to-face communication.
There can be no question of jealousy and disrespect for the beloved spouse of your friend.
In friendship there is only sincere joy for one’s comrade; there is no place for envy.
That's all. No jumping over the barrier. Excessive fussing, hugging and kissing really starts to cause irritation. Not even every brother and sister allows themselves to do this.
And if your husband’s friend starts calling in the middle of the night, asking for advice or help, putting herself as a friend first, regardless of anything, then you need to sound the alarm. This is no longer friendship, it’s time to end it.
When you yourself are looking for friendship with a man
You are lonely, and you are disappointed by everything in life: stupid gossiping friends, and men in love. “Should I start a friendly relationship with a man? — an idea suddenly came to your mind. “After all, it’s better to be friends with a guy than to date!”
If you are not an angular teenager, then you are already late. If you develop at least some kind of relationship with your new friend, sympathies arise, and interests coincide, then your age of puberty will take its toll. Even if you don't want it yet.
So, how can you find a male friend? There are three options:
Meet someone somewhere on the Internet. Start a conversation on a forum, on social networks or on a dating site.
Find some of your old friends from childhood and youth, where you hung out with him in the same company.
Make friends with a new guy or someone you communicate with outside of your personal life: for example, a colleague.
Well, now let's think about what could come of this.
Dating on the Internet
In principle, there is nothing complicated about this: you don’t have to worry and look good at the same time. Surf the Internet even with curlers and a cucumber mask, you just need to start a correspondence with someone.
Pros and cons of such communication:
Pros. No obligations sexual contacts and fraud. You didn’t promise each other anything, not even meetings. Just kindred spirits and good advice when you need it. Turn on the Internet - there is a friend, turn it off - no friend.
Minuses. Such kinship of souls most often leads to falling in love. Even if you haven't seen his photos. You will soon notice that you need correspondence with him like air. And if there is no opportunity to meet in life yet, it’s a total disaster.
Old friend from childhood
Nowadays, it is not necessary to leaf through a phone book with phone records. Here they are all here, on social networks - classmates, friends from childhood and youth. Perhaps you tried to communicate with many of them about something, but it all ended with the phrases: “Hello! How are you?" - "Fine".
You see, you have lost touch with them all, there is no longer that teenage enthusiasm and common interests. Many men are married, and, not understanding your goals, their wives demand that you stop this strange communication. And bachelors don’t understand your sudden outburst of feelings for them. You are already a distant person for them and you have ceased to even be a “sister”.
New or old acquaintance
Let's assume that you found yourself just a friend, or you already had one: at work, or met through the Internet. How will you be friends with him? Just consult and go to the skating rink together? There is nothing more you can do than with a real friend, even if he is a bachelor:
You won’t be able to go to the bathhouse together just to take a steam bath.
You will not share intimate details.
You won’t go to a pub to get drunk and pick up girls (or guys).
Any similarity of interests, sympathies and kinship of souls will give rise to love in any way. And then it gets worse. If one of the bachelors wants to arrange personal life, then jealousy will appear. Friendly relationships fade away, and sexual attraction to each other begins.
So don’t be foolish, simple friendship between a man and a woman exists only as long as there is a barrier, rare communication and nothing personal. You better look for true love without boundaries and barriers, and only in your loved one will you find a true best friend.
IN modern world Friendship between a man and a woman is not uncommon. Is this possible and can such friendship exist without hints of intimate feelings? Let's try to figure it out in today's article.
Undoubtedly, almost every person, be it a woman or a man, has experienced friendly feelings towards an object of the opposite sex. And, of course, everyone wondered: what is this? Friendship or love?
Is friendship possible between a man and a woman?
In psychology, there are many different opinions and arguments, both proving and disproving that friendship between opposite sexes is possible.
It should be noted that, by definition, such friendship is dubious, because a man needs a reliable friend who can support, help out and come to the rescue at the right time, and a woman needs a friend who can always listen and understand.
Now let’s think - how can a woman make a strong and reliable friend, and a man an understanding and sympathetic friend? That's right - none and nothing.
A woman subconsciously “takes on” the role of husband, protector and head of the family for every man, and in turn, the man views the woman primarily as a sexual object.
A man, as a rule, is friends with a woman whom he considers pretty, charming (such is his nature), he feels free and relaxed with her, and if he is not free, that is, he has a second half, then he is no longer with her (girlfriend or wife). will be as open and frank as with a friend. Usually, a man makes girlfriends when the relationship with his wife ceases to be trusting for some reason.
A woman can easily be on friendly terms with her brothers or father, since this is a family relationship. But if a married lady has a friend, you need to sound the alarm. A woman sees a potential lover in a man friend, revealing her heart and soul to him. Accordingly, she will not be able to be completely sincere with her husband, because a woman is capable of opening up to only one man.
That is why a woman should have only one friend - her husband, just as a man should have only one friend - his wife.
Psychologists define three types of opposite-sex friendships
- When a man and a woman were already lovers. It is not uncommon for a man and a woman to be lovers in the past, but for some reason they want to remain in friendly, warm relations, or circumstances force them to constantly communicate (for example, at work). Such friendship can be considered strong and stable. After all, friends have already left theirs in the past intimate life, but this type of friendship is not so common.
- When they are already lovers. It’s good if they are young people who are not burdened with obligations. It’s worse if it’s a married lady and married man who lack human warmth, understanding and sparkle in their marriage with their partner.
- When they are just going to be lovers. In this case, the relationship proceeds in a friendly manner until some factors (one of them does not have a good relationship and needs support) pushes them to bed. Such friendship can last as long as there are some circumstances that restrain the ardor of love (distance, resistance or ignoring the feelings of one of the friends). It often happens that one loves, is afraid or is waiting to show his feelings, and the second is friends. If the couple is young, most likely the young man will be in love. If the friends are quite mature, usually the woman has tender feelings for the man, and he, in turn, does not notice this.
Then a “peak of mutual understanding” occurs, resentment, disappointment or some kind of mental pain aggravates the situation. It seems to them that no one else is capable of providing such support. Everything leads to the fact that they will become lovers (alcohol often encourages this). This scenario suggests two possible developments:
- either love becomes very strong and the relationship is indestructible;
- or irreconcilable views or principles separate lovers.
To summarize, we can safely say that friendship (especially long-term) between a woman and a man is undesirable and impossible! Any adult should understand that you should not risk your family and make a friend of the opposite sex! Almost always such friendship leads friends to bed relationships. She can easily destroy real ones. But, in some cases, it can be saving (if the marriage has outlived its usefulness) and creative (if the person did not have a family before).
If, after reading this article, someone has doubts whether to end such a friendship or leave everything as it is, you need to decide what you really want. When dreaming of a close, intimate relationship with a friend of different sexes, of course, you need to continue to be friends. But if a real relationship is expensive, it is better to stop all communication with such a friend, and it is better to be friends with people of the same sex.
Bye everyone.
Best regards, Vyacheslav.
Today many important questions remain unanswered, so experts and scientists never stop looking for new ways to solve them. People want to know if friendship is possible between a man and a woman. From the point of view of psychology and other similar sciences, opinions on this matter differ.
Friendship between a man and a woman from a psychological point of view
There are a number of options for such friendship, which depend on the specific circumstances of its occurrence. According to the science of psychology, there are several ways to develop relationships between a man and a woman:
- One sided love. Even in friendly relationships, it happens that one of the partners experiences strong feelings for the other. This is called unrequited love, which brings a lot of suffering and pain. At the same time, the friend tries not to show his feelings to the other, so as not to cause disagreements. There is an opinion that such friendship does not last long.
- A couple who broke up. The relationship in this case is maintained between a man and a woman who separated, but were previously spouses or lovers. According to statistics, they are not friends for long and eventually break up. Relationships are often hampered by past memories, pleasant moments, quarrels and even strong grievances. At any moment love can be reborn again, so friendship ends.
- Friendship between a man and a woman occurs when they have common views on life situations. Sometimes opposites attract when people have a common idea or goal. Psychologists assure that this kind of friendship exists for a long time and is not afraid of any obstacles. True friends will consider their partner only as close in outlook and spirit. In most cases, love cannot arise here.
How to check if friendships are real?
Guys and girls often wonder how to distinguish friendship from love. In this case, you need to pay attention to the following factors.
- Is there affection for a partner, a manifestation of sympathy.
- Do you have a desire to be alone with your friend more often without strangers?
- Is there light flirting or coquetry?
- Do you spend a lot of time on your appearance before meeting a friend?
- If a friend finds his soulmate, will there be regret, resentment or grief?
If the answer to all points is only negative, then this indicates the presence of true friendship. Such relationships are not afraid of any obstacles. But if doubts arise with at least one question, then this indicates the presence of sympathy and a feeling of falling in love. Romantic interest will gradually manifest itself and may eventually develop into intense love.
Reasons for friendship between the sexes
There are a huge number of opinions on this issue. Some people believe that friendship is a kind of foreplay that helps test true feelings. People have the opportunity to get to know each other better.
More experienced specialists, including psychologists, argue that a man who wants to woo a woman first invites her to become friends. In this way, he tries to establish close contact and expects to continue the relationship.
It would take a very long time to list various options further development events. But, according to psychologists, it is worth considering each case separately. Each person is individual, so standard templates may not suit some. True friendship exists between people who give each other mutual understanding and respect.
Types of Friendship
There are three main patterns that apply to developing friendships:
- Friendship between people who share the same profession or a common goal in life.
- Relationship with kindergarten, school, higher educational institution, which continue into adulthood.
- Connections that were formed spontaneously. There are situations when people meet at a disco, in the theater, at stadiums or on the Internet and begin to communicate. They learn that they have many common interests and generally similar views on life.
Differences between female and male friendships from relationships between the sexes
Friendship among men arises only due to similarity of interests, as well as through selfless mutual assistance. Psychology proves that guys become comrades if they cooperate and help each other. When one has problems, he definitely counts on assistance - with advice, action or financial means.
Psychologists believe that it becomes an exclusively temporary union that helps one of the parties achieve certain goals. That is, girls are looking for self-interest or benefit in relationships.
In reality, representatives of the fair sex often perfectly support each other, share their experiences, problems, give one side the opportunity to speak out, cry or find the necessary spiritual support. Friendship between a man and a woman is possible only if it does not pursue any self-interest.
Historical facts
A few centuries ago, there was no friendship between a man and a woman. Relationships were built on the following principle - men obtained food for life, and women gave birth to children for the stronger sex, and also took care of the arrangement of the home.
After some time, girls began to be associated with a certain cute and in a romantic way, which was sung by poets. It was considered prestigious to have a pretty woman next to you. After this, representatives of the stronger sex began to do their best to woo potential wives. They actively fought in tournaments, proving their superiority in fierce battles. Thanks to this, a contender for the attention of the lady she liked was determined. It also played an important role in self-affirmation.
Modern relationships between men and women
Nowadays, a large number of representatives of the fair and gentle sex know how to earn their own living. It is considered fashionable when girls become businesswomen and lead an active lifestyle. Therefore, many psychologists think that women do not need to establish friendships with men. Representatives of the stronger sex no longer take part in battles in knightly tournaments, but try to compete with girls financially.
From a psychological point of view, friendship between a man and a woman is considered a certain type of flirting. Such relationships appear only when one of the partners is legally married or does not rush to respond to hot feelings with tenderness and reciprocity.
People who were lovers or in a relationship often still continue to communicate with each other after a breakup. They do not have an intimate connection, but they are held together by shared memories and common goals. Such friendship remains stable for a long time, even when one of the friends finds his soul mate and life partner.
But according to numerous studies, scientists have been able to find out that in most cases, friendship between opposite sexes appears due to attraction. If this continues for several years, then the man and woman decide to become lovers or spouses.