Tears are a natural reaction to trouble, grief or stress, but most people prefer not to show them to others. It’s not easy to restrain yourself when resentment or anger comes over you. In this article, we have collected psychological techniques that will help you not cry when you really want to. After reading our material you will learn to control yourself!
How not to cry when you really want to - physical exercises
Psychologists advise concentrating on breathing during moments of emotional arousal. You may have noticed that when you want to cry out of resentment, your breathing becomes short and quick, and at moments severe stress or fear, you even stop gasping for air for a while. To calm yourself, you need to calm your breathing. Feel like you're about to cry? Lift your chin and take several deep breaths through your nose, exhaling through your mouth. This way you can get rid of the so-called lump in the throat. Try to count your breathing movements, imagine how the air fills your lungs. An unpleasant lump in the throat will help remove a couple of sips of water or cool tea. If there is no liquid nearby: Swallow several times. And don't forget about breathing.
If tears are already blurring your eyes, blink them away. You shouldn’t wipe your eyes ostentatiously, what good will you do if you rub off your cosmetics! Look down, then raise your eyes up, look to the right and left. Repeat this exercise several times until the tears go away. Some psychologists advise closing your eyes for a few seconds.
You can also distract yourself from unpleasant thoughts by performing certain physical actions. You can, for example, bite your lip or clench your fist. But remember that you should not feel pain, only slight discomfort that can draw your attention to yourself. If there is a person nearby whom you trust, or someone who is aware of your psychological state, his palm can become your support.
By the way, yawning also helps you calm down! Besides, you definitely won’t be able to cry and yawn at the same time! Physical exercise is very effective and will benefit your nervous system!
How not to cry at the wrong moment - psychological exercises
To avoid crying at the wrong time, think of something that will occupy your full attention. How about solving a math problem in your head or reviewing your multiplication tables? Not only will you concentrate on it, but you will also force the left hemisphere of your brain, which is responsible for computational operations, to work. Emotions - controls the right; By stimulating the work of both hemispheres of the brain, you can effectively block the emotional flow. If math isn't your thing, remember the words to your favorite song or even hum it to yourself. The melody should be cheerful and the lyrics should be positive.
The second psychological technique is more complicated, but more effective. You need to remember something funny. Of course, concentrating on something positive when tears come to your eyes is not an easy task. In such a case, psychologists advise to come up with and remember in advance a list of jokes from films or funny situations from your life that you will remember in moments of emotional experiences. Try to smile!
Motivate yourself not to cry! For example, “if I cry, the boss will think that I’m weak” or “strangers will see that I don’t know how to control myself.” Tell yourself that you are strong and now is the time to prove it!
A person is born, and the first sound he makes is crying. During the first year of life, this is how a person communicates with the world and people - by crying. It has so many shades that the mother almost always knows what the baby needs. And then, growing up, very often the child hears: “don’t cry, you’re already big,” “ah-ah-ah, what a shame to cry,” “men don’t cry.”
From childhood, the axiom is laid down - crying is bad. Laughter increases life expectancy - this is proven by science. What about crying?
Why are tears needed?
You can cry from pain, from grief, from happiness, from the wind or onions. After watching a romantic or sad film, we involuntarily brush away a tear. Having hit, the child bursts into tears. Having lost a loved one, it is simply impossible to hold back tears. Tears help cope with emotional overload. And not only:
- protect eyes from the adverse effects of external factors;
- increase life expectancy;
- help remove harmful substances from the body;
- are being treated.
Crying is good - most scientists agree on this conclusion.
Fact 1: Tears cleanse the body
The human body contains a substance catecholamine – stress stimulant. When you cry, catecholamine is released along with your tears., that is, tears help relieve stress and remove harmful chemicals from the body.
Catecholamine is most harmful to child's body. Therefore, the frequent crying of children in any situation that is incomprehensible or unpleasant for them is a protective reaction of the body that preserves the physical and psychological health of the growing organism.
Fact 2: Tears protect the eyes
Mechanical (reflex) tears moisturize, clean and protect the eyes. They help protect them under the following unfavorable conditions:
- difficult weather conditions - wind, heat;
- sitting for long periods in front of a TV or computer monitor;
- deterioration of the environmental situation - dust, smog, exhaust.
Sometimes natural tears are not enough. In such cases, artificial tears are recommended - special eye drops that act in the same way as reflex tears, protecting the eyes from overwork and external influences.
Fact 3: Tears prolong life
Women live longer than men. There are many reasons for this. One of them is that women cry more often. Is it healthy to cry when you are in pain - physical or emotional? Or should I endure it? The men are trying their best to hold back their tears. This begins in childhood, when the boy is taught that real men do not cry. Boys get into all sorts of adventures much more often and get bumps and abrasions more often. But remembering the suggestion of mom and dad, they try not to cry. Thus, emotions are driven inside, and then manifested either by excessive aggression or, in more mature age, diseases of the cardiovascular system.
That's why it's good to cry rather than bury your emotions inside yourself.
Fact 4: Tears in company
The experiments that scientists conduct with crybabies (crying in the company of a person who sympathizes and supports) are not entirely indicative. A person will cry differently when he knows he is being watched. Emotions and tears are therefore not entirely real. But still, the vast majority of people participating in the experiment say that they felt better when they cried.
And also revealed interesting feature. It is more comfortable for a crying person to cry in company, when people feel sorry for him, console him, and show sympathy.
When tears don't bring relief
Is crying harmful or beneficial - now the question has been resolved and scientifically proven. It is worth remaining yourself and not resisting the functions inherent in a person by nature. Someone who is more whiny and emotional loves to be pitied. Psychologists advise people who are more reserved in society to cry alone. Still, tears help relieve stress, make you feel better and heal wounds.
Immediately after the baby is born, the first thing the mother hears is the baby’s cry. A baby can cry for any reason if he does not know how to say - this is his first reaction to difficulties or a traumatic situation.
In adulthood, it is generally accepted that crying is shameful, especially for men, crying is a sign of weakness, and similar statements. But when experiencing difficult losses, the loss of loved ones and something valuable, tears appear on their own. Some people have increased sensitivity to everything that happens, so for them the urgent question is how to stop crying over little things, how to restrain their emotions.
Crying is an automatic emotional process needed to provide relief after prolonged stress. Sometimes even after physical activity, as if out of the blue, the person begins to cry.
Crying in small quantities is acceptable and is considered normal. Especially after psychological trauma, psychologists advise not to suppress emotions within yourself, but to bring them out through crying. In such cases they say: “Cry, it will become easier.” But the process of uncontrollable crying, which often occurs, is considered pathological. This indicates a person’s psychological or mental problems.
- Adults often cry if they did not learn in childhood to experience grief, a feeling of loss or unfulfilled expectations. Parents should teach the child how to cope with emotions, explain to him why this or that happens, and make it clear that it can be survived. In a situation of grief, children have more questions than answers; they learn not to worry about the situation, because they are afraid of not being able to cope with their emotions. In adulthood, in a situation of grief and loss, a person may not express emotions or cry. But then, out of the blue, he may burst into tears.
- Self-pity. In any difficult situation, a person who was “disliked” or misunderstood in childhood will feel sorry for himself. Especially when they yell at him.
- Problems with the nervous system. When people burst into tears for no reason, they say: “My nerves are getting crazy.” Indeed, if a person has been nervous a lot in his life, restrained his emotions, experienced many stressful situations, he nervous system no longer so resistant to traumatic situations.
- Repressed negative emotions can manifest themselves in crying while the person himself is shouting and scolding someone. This state borders on a state of passion, when a person ceases to control his emotions.
- and other problems of the emotional spectrum. To correct them.
In fact, there are many reasons for constant crying, from physiological to mental. But still, how to stop crying when the tears flow at the wrong time?
Tips for Emotional Control When Crying
It is important for a person to learn to control his emotions, because others will consider him an unbalanced person.
Calming with Breathing
When you feel a lump in your throat, tears come to your eyes, and crying in this moment no way, on help will come a method of calming through deep breathing.
You need to repeat this 5 times. If there is intense crying, this method is not used, as it can lead to hyperventilation.
Deep breathing allows you to reduce the heart rate, while improving oxygen delivery to cells and reducing intense subjective understanding traumatic situation.
Thought Analysis
During periods of uncontrollable emotions, you need to analyze positive and negative thoughts. When a person realizes what is bothering him in a particular situation, half of the solution to the problem has already been done.
In moments of grief or loss, a person tends to think about his loneliness and hopelessness. These feelings are so strong that they can cause crying for months. When a person feels hopelessness, he loses the meaning of life. Constant crying is replaced by emptiness and the meaninglessness of one’s existence. But in such a state it is usually difficult to analyze anything. Therefore, the following method comes to the rescue.
Recording your feelings
The best psychotherapy for fear is drawing, and the same with crying: the best psychological treatment for crying is writing down your feelings or emotions. Each entry is separate.
Let's get distracted
When experiencing any kind of stress, it is important to learn to abstract from it. What does it mean? Peace of mind is not restored the first time. Pessimistic thoughts often occur, but if you try to distract yourself from them, you can soberly assess the situation. How to get distracted?
This too shall pass
When a lump comes to your throat and you want to cry, it is important to set yourself up for the positive: this situation will pass someday, all the bad things will not last forever. To sober up a little, you can wash your face with cold water.
There are many situations in which people try to hold back tears - for example, during an exam or interview.
Or at a meeting with your superiors, having heard harsh criticism addressed to you. Or at school, receiving an unfair C in algebra. Or after a fight, when it’s simply shameful to cry from pain and humiliation.
How to stop crying when you're sad
Great grief causes endless streams of tears. After the death of a relative or a breakup with a loved one, it can be difficult to stop the lamentation.
Tears cleanse, allow you to throw out emotions that are bursting over the edge - this is true. Therefore, psychologists advise having a good cry in a difficult situation for you.
But after a day or two, it is important to regain control over your feelings and tear glands.
Severe hysterical crying day and night can lead to serious stress for the body, a nervous breakdown and prolonged depression. 
And when you need strength to stop and stop crying, you won’t have it.
At this moment, it is important to change the vector, get distracted, find the energy to leave the house, go to a movie or cafe, or meet with friends.
Any public place will become a deterrent: not everyone wants to cry in public.
Order yourself a soothing tea and watch the pedestrians. Watch a funny movie or an exciting TV series, listen to music, dance.
While your brain is busy contemplating and coordinating movements, it forgets about experiences.
Try to spend more time talking in company: You don’t have to talk, just watch and listen.
The more your feelings are occupied, the more productive the “therapy” will be. You can, for example, fiddle with a napkin or draw in a notebook to also include the sense of touch.
Bitter tears and positive thinking
Often the culprit of tears over trifles is a disrupted hormonal balance.
If you cry with or without reason, you should consult an endocrinologist, check your thyroid gland and donate blood for “especially nervous” hormones.
A corrective course of vitamins and tablets will relieve you of the problem that you suffered from back in school.
Learning not to cry when you're upset isn't easy. After all, this is an instinctive reaction of the body, difficult to train. Tears flow on their own, giving vent to pain, resentment and other negative emotions.
What is important is control not over the body, but over your thoughts. If you see everything in black, then crying becomes a frequent companion in life.
Having positive thoughts helps you cope with hysteria. In every loss, look for opportunity. Have you been fired? No problem, this is a chance to look for the place of your dreams.
Did your boyfriend dump you? But reproach yourself, don’t think that life is over now, because it has just begun.
First dates, languid glances, furtive kisses - you are given the opportunity to go through this path all over again, with a more suitable person.
How to hold back your tears and not burst into tears
Sometimes tears become traitors and arise in the most awkward situations. It’s as if they are specifically demonstrating to others that you are not an alpha male or female at all, but an ordinary loser and a crybaby.
What to do to avoid bursting into tears at the wrong moment:
1. Breathing exercises help you calm down and hold back tears. If you feel like you're about to burst into tears, take a very deep breath through your nose.
Exhale slowly, pause and slowly, consciously inhale again. Play the “breathe-don’t-breathe” game for a minute. You should think only about breathing, and not about irritating factors or offensive words.
Deep breaths slow down the pulse, relieve tension and eliminate the problem of hyperventilation, which often occurs during hysteria.
2. Change your posture, stand up, straighten your shoulders, take a sip cold water, pinch yourself, bite your lip. These Physiological distraction methods are very effective.
Ask to leave the office - go wash, eat a chocolate bar or a handful of nuts, drink sweet tea.
3. Focus on a super nice image. You can think about your upcoming vacation: draw a picture before your eyes where you are relaxing in a sun lounger under a palm tree.
Think about your beloved child - I wonder how he is doing at school, has he already defended the project that you did together all night? Think of a romantic dinner that you will prepare for your spouse on Sunday.
4. Imagine a funny situation, which your offender could fall into. For example, you are crucified by a tyrant boss.
Mentally strip him down to his underpants (even if these are very humiliating family affairs “in the heart”) and make him dance the lambada. Believe me, instead of tears, only an insidious grin will appear on your face.
5. At inopportune times, give vent to your emotions so that they do not accumulate.
Intimate conversations with friends, an unequal fight with a punching bag, jogging around a beautiful lake in the morning, and intense cardio in the gym help relieve stress.
Meditation over morning coffee and massage sessions with a good relaxation specialist are also good.
If you have a stressful job that brings you to tears every now and then, you should devote more time to relaxation. 
6. To give vent to your feelings and not get hung up on the situation, when you get home, put them on paper. You can keep a whole diary for a bad mood.
Write what exactly hurt you, why this is a sore subject for you, how much you worry.
Describe your emotions as accurately as possible: “I am very angry with Pyotr Ivanovich, I am depressed and feel powerless, I am annoyed by my low position, I am afraid to show everyone my weakness.”
And then close the diary and go for a walk.
If the situation that makes you cry has gone on for a long time, remember the words of the wise Solomon. Everything goes and it is also.
We will all have to laugh in another, adult and serious life, as we cried over the deuce in the diary and could not hold back our tears when we saw our beloved high school student with a beautiful girl.
But we survived this, which means that everything else will be within our reach.