Ecology of life: The search for the “meaning of life” comes down to finding those few things that are more important than yourself. If a person feels like he has lost his bearings, he has no purpose in life, he doesn’t know what is important to him, he most likely...
If a person seems to have lost his bearings, he has no purpose in life, he does not know what is important to him - he most likely simply does not realize his values.
Not finding his own, he takes other people’s values as a basis, lives by other people’s priorities. And this is a direct road to incorrect attitudes and an eternal feeling of “unhappiness.”
When my brother was about 18 years old, he entered the living room and solemnly announced to the whole family that he would certainly become a senator. I don't remember what I was doing at the time (presumably eating cereal), but I'm pretty sure my mom said something approving to him like, "Great idea, son!"
Over the next 15 years, this goal shaped every decision my brother made—from the subjects he took at school and the people he stayed in touch with, to where and how he lived, spent his holidays, and subsequently and vacations.
That today he is the head of one of the largest political parties in the city, and at the same time the youngest judge in the state, is the result of hard work for almost half of his life. He will be running for Senate in the next few years.
Important note. My brother is a rare eccentric. And usually, everything happens completely differently.
Most of us have no idea what we would like to do with our lives.Even after finishing school. Even after getting a job. Even when we start making good money.
Between the ages of 18 and 25, I changed my career aspirations more often than I changed my underwear. At 28, already having my own business, I still didn’t understand what exactly I wanted from life.
The likelihood that you, like me, have no idea what you want from life is quite high. The painful process of realizing this affects almost every adult. “What do I want from life?”, “What is most important to me?”, “What can I succeed in?” People who are over 40 and even over 50 sometimes ask me these questions in letters.
In many ways, this problem is connected with the concept of “meaning of life” - the idea that we come into this world with a certain mission, which not only needs to be fulfilled, but first also needs to be figured out.
There is no more logic in this idea than, for example, in the fact that your lucky number 34, but only on Tuesdays, and only when the moon is full.
Do you want the truth? We come into this world for an indefinite period. During this time we all do something. Sometimes something important, sometimes not. And it is these important things that give our lives meaning and make us happy. Everything else is needed to “kill time.”
So when people ask, “What do I want from life?” or “What is my purpose in life?”, it would be more correct to ask “What is important to me that I want to do?” This question is much easier to answer, and it does not contain the pathos that the concept of “meaning of life” invariably entails.
In letters, people often ask me what the “meaning of life” is for them. Believe me, I am not able to answer this question. Often, all I know about a person is that he enjoys knitting sweaters for kittens or making kinky adult movies in the basement of his own house. Does anyone really assume that this is enough to draw conclusions about what is important to a person and what is not?
In any case, lying on the sofa with a plate of chips, you are unlikely to find the answer to this question. To find out what exactly is important to you, you will have to get up and strain yourself.
In general, to help those who doubt solving this problem, I compiled a list of questions based on my research in this area.
I would like to immediately disappoint those who are prepared for a long and exhausting series of diagnostic studies. They are more likely to amuse you.
I intentionally use this approach so that even such a serious process as searching for the “meaning of life” is exciting and enjoyable without turning into a chore.
How to find the meaning of life
No. 1. How much tar is in your barrel of honey and what does it taste like?
Yes Yes. By the way, this is a question of paramount importance. We are raised to be winners in life, develop our team spirit, but they often forget to mention this. But there is tar in every barrel, and how much more! And let someone accuse me of pessimism, and even say that you need to see the best in everything, but... in my opinion, accepting this gives us a chance to be freer.
Any business initially involves some kind of sacrifice. Something like the price you have to pay for your choice. There is nothing that would only bring pleasure and inspire from morning to evening. So the question is basically this: What sacrifices and struggles are you willing to make to achieve your goal? Ultimately, our ability to remain faithful the decision taken It is the ability to survive difficult periods and stay on top even in the most unpleasant situations that determines it.
- If you plan to become a top-notch technical consultant without ever failing, you probably won't go far.
- Or do you want to be a professional artist, but are not prepared for the fact that your work may not be appreciated hundreds, and maybe thousands of times?
- Do you dream of a successful legal career, but are not ready for long working hours? Bad news. You lost before the game even started.
What efforts are you capable of? Write code until late at night? Put off starting a family for about ten years? Leave the stage to the whistling and hooting of the ruble over and over again until you achieve her favor and recognition?
So, what fly in the ointment are you ready to eat? Because we will all get there one day in our own barrel.
No. 2. If you met your eight-year-old self, what would he be most disappointed in about you?
As a child, I often wrote stories. I spent hours on end in my room putting down on paper fantasies about aliens, superheroes, great warriors, and making up stories about friends and family. Not for anyone to read them. Not to impress parents or teachers. It just brought me true joy, that's all.
And then, for some unknown reason, I stopped writing. I really don't remember why.
We all tend to forget over time what we loved to do as children. Maybe pressure from society adolescence, or considerations of professionalism while growing up make us forget about our true “passion” for something... We are told that the only reason to do something is the reward that we will receive for it later.
Already in my late 20s, I discovered how much I loved writing. And only when I started my own business, I remembered how much I love developing websites (I was very interested in this as a teenager).
That's the main thing. If eight-year-old me had asked twenty-year-old me, “Why don’t you write anymore?” and my answer was something like, “I’m not very good at it,” or “Nobody reads what I write,” not only would I have been wrong about his answers, but it would have upset little me to tears.
No. 3. What can make you forget peace and sleep, and at the same time your natural needs?
All of us, at least once in our lives, have been so carried away by something that we have lost count of the minutes or hours, remembering the day’s daily activities with the thought “Damn, I forgot to have dinner!”
By the way, they say that when Isaac Newton was at the peak of his scientific career, his mother had to regularly remind him of the need to eat, because he himself was too absorbed in the process of research.
That's how I was obsessed with video games back in the day. True, this is rather a sad fact. And for many years, this was a problem. I played for hours on end, sometimes neglecting basic hygiene rules, playing instead of studying for exams or leading a normal social life.
Only after getting rid of gaming addiction did I realize that my passion did not belong to games at all, although I like them. Rather, it is a passion for continuous improvement. So that what turns out well turns out even better. Graphics, characters and quests are all great, but you can live without them. What I'm bored without is constant competition - with others, and even better, with myself.
I applied this approach to my online business and professional writing, and the results exceeded my expectations.
Perhaps you will find yourself in something else. Some will want to get lost in the ephemeral world of fantasy, while others like to effectively organize things and events, some will find their calling in teaching, others in solving technical problems.
Anyway, the point is not what exactly takes away peace and sleep, but what cognitive activity is behind it. You can apply the principles of this activity to anything.
No. 4. What's the best way to make yourself look stupid?
To become an expert in your field in a certain field, you must go through the stage of being an incompetent and a loser. It's natural. And in order to realize that you are far from perfect, you will also have to repeatedly find yourself in situations that clearly demonstrate this. Most people want to avoid this at all costs, which is generally understandable, because who wants to make a fool of themselves?
By tightly clinging to the feeling of your own success, you are unlikely to achieve heights in anything important and difficult for you personally.
So let's go back to vulnerability.
Admit it, there is something you would like to do, and maybe even planned. But, of course, we never went beyond fantasies. Of course, you will have a lot of excuses for this fact, which you can tirelessly repeat to yourself ad infinitum. I’ll tell you frankly, if among these excuses there is something like “What will people think!”, then you are putting off the opportunity to become happy with your own hands.
Of course, there are people for whom time spent with their children is more important than their own business, or a person's true passion lies in music rather than video game development, and these are no longer excuses.
But if it all comes down to what your parents and friends will think of you, or the fear of making yourself look like an idiot, then most likely you are diligently avoiding the things that you really care about. It’s just that you are scared to death by the fact that this could happen, and not at all by what your mother or neighbor Aunt Masha will think.
Living life without ever getting into trouble is like trying to do something with your head buried in the sand. Great deeds are, by their nature, usually unique and often contradict the usual foundations. To commit them, you need to go against the herd instinct. And doing this is usually really scary.
Give yourself permission to not be at your best. It's part of the journey to achieving something important and worthwhile.The more making a life-changing decision scares you, the more likely it is that this is what you are meant to do.
No. 5. How exactly will you save the world?
If suddenly you are not interested in news, I dare to inform you that the world has unresolved problems. For those who don’t understand, I’ll decipher it - everything is bad, and we will all die.
I have already raised this topic, and research confirms that happy and long life involves expanding the range of values a little beyond one’s own satisfaction and search for pleasure.
So choose a problem, and... go ahead, go save the world! Stupid education system economic crisis, domestic violence, lack of mental health care, government corruption. Choose according to your taste! What a long way to go. This morning I read an article about prostitution in the USA. Believe me, she made me sincerely wish to somehow change the situation. And at the same time I ruined my appetite before breakfast.
Find a problem that doesn't leave you indifferent. And start solving it. It is quite obvious that you cannot solve it alone. But do your part! Change something for the better. And the consciousness of this will make you happier, and your life filled with meaning.
You are thinking now. “Damn it, well, I got imbued with all this pessimistic rubbish, and even got upset. How to take action? How can I force myself to get off the couch and do something useful?”
I'm telling you.
No. 6. If you were forced to spend the entire day outside your home at gunpoint, where would you go and what would you do?
Most of us are slaves to our habits. Routine lulls us into a false sense of calm and helps us distract ourselves from thinking about what’s important. It's comfortable on the soft sofa. And the chips are delicious. What more could you want?
There is nothing, and nothing changes because of this. And that's the problem.
Most people don't understand that our passion for something is the result of actions, not the reason for them.
Only by trial and error, only by directly immersing yourself in a particular activity, can you realize whether you really like it.
So imagine for a moment that at gunpoint you are forced to spend every day outside your home all day, except for the time allotted for sleep. What would you do and where would you go? Sitting in a coffee shop and surfing Facebook is not an option. This is what you are most likely doing now. Apart from mindlessly surfing the Internet, playing video games, watching TV and TV series, what would you do to pass the time?
Would you sign up for a dance? Or to a book club? Maybe you got another education? Developed a new irrigation system to save hundreds of thousands of lives in Africa? Have you learned how to fly a hang glider?
What did you spend all this time on?
If several options come to your mind at once, write them down, and then take this list and go implement it.
By the way, a special plus for those points that will make you feel awkward.
No. 7. If you knew that you would die in a year, what would you do to be remembered?
Most of us don't like to think about death. It's frustrating and scary. But in vain. Turns out, thoughts about death bring a lot of benefits. For example, they force us to “zero the system.” Separate the wheat from the chaff. Discard the unnecessary and unimportant.
In college, I often pestered everyone with the question: “What would you do if you only had one year to live?” Of course, it was often at evening parties, so most of the answers were boring and sluggish. Although some, out of surprise, might have choked on the contents of the glass (right in my face). But it still forced people to look at life differently and set priorities in a new way.
I don’t want the inscription on the gravestone to read: “Here lies Gregory. He watched every episode of The Interns twice.”
What legacy will you leave? What will your descendants be told about you when you pass into another world? What will they write in your obituary? Is there anything at all worth mentioning?
What would you like to read in it? And finally, what could you do today to ensure that this is actually written in it?
If you imagined that in your obituary they wrote that you were a good homie and a decent asshole, then you may have wandered into the wrong place again.
If a person seems to have lost his bearings, he has no goal in life, he does not know what is important to him - he is often not aware of his values. Not finding his own, he takes other people’s values as a basis, lives by other people’s priorities. And this is a direct road to incorrect attitudes and an eternal feeling of “unhappiness.”
Finding the “meaning of life” comes down to finding those few things that are more important than yourself. And to find them you need to get yourself off the couch and act. Think beyond your usual thoughts and your own interests. And, paradoxically, think about what will happen, even if you yourself no longer exist.published . If you have any questions about this topic, ask them to the experts and readers of our project .
Each of us comes into this life to learn. Learn from events, meetings, even suffering. But we often refuse to see what exactly they want to convey to us, we become fixated on one lesson for a long time - and waste years when we could have spent several months on it.
If we more often asked ourselves questions that make us think about life, perhaps we would learn much faster.
Children's philosophy
As children's book author Bernadette Russell says, children should ask their parents philosophical questions that will shape their worldview and help them grow up. And, of course, children's fairy tales and cartoons will help them formulate these questions. The mistake of many parents is that they do not decipher for their children the meaning of the cartoons they watched and the fairy tales they read. What questions do the tales of Saltykov, Pushkin and other famous personalities make you think about? Saltykov in his fairy tales condemns the government and comically shows the intelligentsia, so such fairy tales, with a deeper reading, can be interesting even to adults.
Philosophical questions for children
Here are a few questions that make little fidgets think and that parents must answer.
1. How to treat animals?
Any living creature needs care and love, especially our little pets. Fostering love for smaller friends will help children learn kindness, fearless expression of love, and care.
2. How much do the best things in life cost?
We get all the best absolutely free - love for life and people, laughter, communication with friends, sleep, hugs. They are not bought, not because they are free, but because they are priceless.
3. What's good in life?
All life is good, no matter what troubles it brings us! In every day, even the darkest, there is a place for rays of sunshine - a green traffic light on the way home, ice cream bought for dessert, warm weather. Teach your children to feel life and, of course, to believe in magic.
4.Can one person change the world?
We will not change the whole world, but we can change ourselves - and then the world around us will change for us. Our little personal world will become exactly the way we want it to be, because a person receives what he himself emits.
The most unusual questions
Below is a list of the most extraordinary questions that will make you think, but will initially leave you stumped. Probably, each of us will find our own answer to all of them.
1. Is it possible to lie to your interlocutor by remaining silent?
It all depends on how exactly the question was posed and what exactly it concerns. Usually silence cannot be called a lie, but there are cases when it can be regarded as such.
2. What would you choose: wealth and a wheelchair or health and poverty?
This question makes us think about the fact that the things we are chasing so hard, ruining our health and pushing aside our moral principles, are not at all worth the effort. After all, none of us will take money with us to the grave.
3. What advice would you give to a newborn for the future?
Each of us would probably answer this question differently. But, you must admit, it is the charming childish spontaneity that adults lack so much! And perhaps this is exactly what you should wish for - always and under any circumstances to remain yourself.
4. If you could change your future, would you change it?
Changing the future leads to changes in the present. In the past, which is preserved in your memory and heart, there were necessary lessons that you successfully completed. And if you renounce them, your future will no longer be securely girded by past experiences.
5. Knowing that tomorrow will be the last day of your life, what actions would you decide to take?
How much time we spend doubting and fearing. Knowing that life is so short, we consciously sacrifice our desires, aspirations, and dreams just because we are plagued by doubts. And then we regret it, because in practice, a seemingly long life turns out to be incredibly short.
Eternal questions about life in books
How many books have been written on philosophical topics! What big philosophical questions do these books make you think about? Not every person grows spiritually and intellectually into such books, but if you pick up one of them, you can be sure that you will take away something valuable for yourself from it. Almost all such texts carry a message to the reader that makes them think about their life and their worldview.
List of books with deep meaning
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess is a novel that unvarnishes the cruelty of the world around us. The metamorphoses that occur with the hero, who at first himself showed unprecedented cruelty, until he experienced it himself in prison, raise questions in readers that are worth thinking about - about how our society works, why there is so much cruelty in it. And the motto of the book says that life must be accepted as it is. Invaluable advice, isn't it?
“April Witchcraft” by Ray Bradbury is a short story about unhappy female love, which every girl once experienced. Do we need such life experiences? Can we overcome suffering? Pain lives inside every person, like a poisonous flower, and only we decide what to do with this flower - water it or pick it and throw it away.
What question does the book “A Happy Death” by Albert Camus make you think about? Each of us once asked ourselves: why was I born into this world, is happiness waiting for me? Albert Camus is looking for answers to these questions together with his hero. After all, the main meaning of life may not be in achievements or pleasures, but in feeling this happiness.
Have you ever thought about how dear your family and friends really are? Which important role Is family important in our lives? Marquez in his book “One Hundred Years of Solitude” talks about people who are happy to have guests, but are indifferent to each other.
How long have you been torn by your own conscience? Conscience is an individual choice for everyone, as the author of the novel “The French Lieutenant’s Mistress” claims. This book has two endings.
“We are responsible for those we have tamed”
What questions did it make you think about? A little prince"Exupery of those who read this work? The work is easily divided into many quotes filled with childish wisdom. And although this story is perceived as a fairy tale, in fact, “The Little Prince” is recommended for adults to read. As you read, you will find many questions on a philosophical topic, the answers to which are also in the work. What is friendship really? Do we see beauty around us? Do we know how to be happy or do we lose this quality as we grow older?
Conclusion
Life is complex, multifaceted, and somewhat cruel. But she asks us questions that make us think. Love for her, sincere and not clouded by problems, makes us truly happy people. This should be the task of each of us - to understand that happiness does not depend on external factors, but from the internal content.
Most people have never asked themselves these questions. And if they asked, they did not try to find a truthful answer. It's not even about the answer itself, but about the search for it. Each of these questions can lead you to think about yourself and the world around you, even if you don’t find the answer. They can move someone from their dead point and make them think about things they usually don’t want to think about.
The order of the questions has no special significance, I published them in the order in which they came to mind. Although several questions that follow each other can be logically connected. There is no need to get hung up on formulating the question and finding an answer to it. First of all, you must start thinking, reflecting, and this is the main task that I put into this article. Therefore, there is no need to look for any hidden meaning in the wording. Just think.
I warn you, many questions are uncomfortable, they can hurt your pride, make you think about something unpleasant, but you need to ask yourself them, because many problems cannot be simply ignored. And it’s better to ask yourself them now, think carefully and come to some decision, than to reap the consequences of misconceptions and wrong choices later.
Even if these questions give rise to unpleasant feelings, the purpose of these questions is not to upset you, but to encourage you to take certain actions. Don't get used to problems, but find solutions to them! I asked and ask myself many of these questions, and they help me get to know myself more deeply and, using this knowledge, move on. If you are not confident in your moral strength or suffer from depression, then it is better to skip this article, since in this case, the questions may plunge you into despondency.
If I understand that it is difficult for me to communicate with some people, then I think about how to avoid this.
If I understand that I am lazy, then I think about how to strengthen discipline.
In general, I am determined to solve the problem, and not to simply put my head down and meekly accept the circumstances. I want you to be tuned in too.
How to answer questions?
You don't have to answer everything at once. You may have to think carefully. Do not rush to immediately answer the question; it may turn out to be a template answer due to stereotypes that have developed in your thinking. These stereotypes are designed to simplify your thinking and protect your pride from the possibility of self-accusation. They work instantly, offering you the most psychologically “comfortable” answer. But such an answer does not mean an honest one. So take time to reflect, try to get to the bottom of it, and be as honest with yourself as possible. Return to the article if necessary.
Hint: Most problems lie within yourself, not in the outside world. And these problems can be solved by working on yourself.
You can also find some tips by following the links that I will provide in the post.
Some questions include a statement. For example, “why do you smoke?” If you do not smoke, skip the question; this does not apply to you. The same applies to all similar questions.
Some questions may puzzle some, but leave others indifferent. This is fine. It is impossible to predict in advance which path your chain of thinking will take and what will attract your attention.
Questions
- Why should I care what other people think about me?
- How do my friends treat me?
- Why can't I be alone?
- Why do I drink
- Why am I
- How do my children treat me?
- Why is it difficult for me to make friends?
- Do I have to be better than everyone else at absolutely everything?
- Fate is unfair to me. So what?
- Why do I swear a lot?
- What happens in the world?
- What's happening in my country?
- What happens at my job?
- What do I want from life?
- Why are my plans not being fulfilled?
- Am I happy with my choice?
- Why be nervous and worried?
- Who is responsible for what happened in my life this way and not otherwise?
- Who is responsible for making me like this?
- Is it really the one life path, which I have chosen for myself, is the only possible one?
- What is stopping me from living the life I want to live?
- Does anyone owe me anything?
- Do I owe anything to anyone?
- Why do I argue with my wife/husband? What's the point of this? Do we achieve anything valuable as a result of these conflicts?
- Why are my emotions getting the better of me?
- I have Bad mood. So what?
- Why do I need a tenth dress or a third watch?
- What will happen to me in ten, twenty, thirty years? Will my life somehow change if I continue to do what I do? Am I happy with these prospects?
- What will happen to my health if I continue to lead the lifestyle that I lead now?
- What will happen to me when I get old and can’t find pleasure in the things that bring me joy now (sex, food, drinking)?
- I like my job?
- Am I satisfied with my job as a source of income and my life's work?
- Why can't I organize other sources of income?
- What happens if I lose my job?
- Why don't I work remotely?
- Why am I not running my own business?
- I was less fortunate than others. So what?
- What will I do this weekend? And on the next ones? What do I do every weekend?
- Why do I smoke?
- Do I get enough rest?
- Do I have enough free time?
- Am I getting enough sleep?
- Am I in good physical shape?
- I feel good?
- Am I able to save
- How to eat properly?
- Am I spending enough time with my loved ones?
- Why do I stay late at work? What happens if I leave on time?
- Why do I profess this particular one and not another? Are all other religions wrong?
- Am I diligent in fulfilling the commandments of my faith? If not, how can I be sure of the salvation of my soul?
- What's the point in suffering?
- What are my interests, hobbies? What am I interested in?
- How much time do I spend in ?
- How much time do I watch TV?
- How many books have I read in the last year?
- What other interesting music is there?
- Am I educated and erudite enough?
- Why doesn't the Earth fall into the Sun?
- How is genetic information encoded?
- What does an atom consist of?
- How many foreign languages I know?
- Do I respond adequately to criticism addressed to me?
- When was the last time I agreed with someone else's opinion that was different from mine and openly admitted it?
- What is the point in those disputes in which each participant does not want to accept the opinions of the other? Is truth born in such disputes?
- Why do I need to prove anything to anyone?
- When was the last time I praised people, gave them sincere compliments?
- How am I better than those people I don’t like?
- Why do some people not like me?
- Why do they love me?
- Why do I love those I love?
- Have I put in enough effort to enhance my strengths and get rid of my weaknesses?
- How long have I given gifts just like that, for no reason?
- How long has it been since I visited my elderly relatives?
- Are there many people who will provide me selfless help if I need it?
- When was the last time I cleaned my house?
- Do I often stay alone and think about life?
- When was the last time I did something that others didn't approve of and I ended up being happy with my choice?
- Am I getting things done?
- Do I have a developed sense of humor?
- Do I laugh a lot?
- Am I enjoying life?
- Am I happy?
- Do I often complain about life?
- Many people live in conditions of hunger, lack of housing and their lives are in constant danger. Why do I consider my problems so significant and serious?
- Am I doing everything to improve my life?
- Why do wars happen?
- Where do my fears come from? Why am I afraid of mice if they cannot harm me?
- Why should I be offended by others?
- Why should I pretend to be something I'm not?
- What are my biggest mistakes in life?
- Why am I lonely?
- How do my principles, my worldview help me?
- What kind of people are my friends? Why are we together?
- What determines my behavior?
- When was the last time I cleaned up my apartment or work place?
- What is good and what is bad?
- Do I listen carefully to other people?
- Have I caused a lot of suffering to those around me?
- Why am I ashamed of my loved ones?
- What do I know about death?
All these questions have some kind of catch, but the answers to them will tell you where to move next. Such questions need to be answered without hesitation. There are no right or wrong answers here
Here are 44 questions that will help you penetrate the depths of your consciousness and clear it of unnecessary garbage. Everything is extremely simple, but incredibly effective. Check it out for yourself!
1. Look at yourself and tell me how old you would give yourself.
2. Fail or never try? Choose the worst option.
3. Why, if life is so fleeting, do we force ourselves to do so much of what we don’t like, and so little of what we love?
4. Analyze after the end of the working day, what was more - empty talk about nothing or business?
5. If you could change just one thing in your life, what would it be?
6. Imagine that happiness has become a global currency. What type of job would make you rich?
7. Do you do what you believe in, or try to believe in what you do?
8. If only human life lasted an average of 40 years, what would you change in your life to live it to the fullest?
9. How much control do you have over the events happening in your life?
10. You went to dinner with friends. These people begin to unfairly criticize your close friend, not knowing that you are friends with him. What will you do?
11. If you could give only one piece of life advice to your younger sibling or your own child, what would it be?
12. Would you be able to break the law in order to save a loved one?
13. How are you different from other people?
14. Remember what you once dreamed of, but never did. Why are you hesitating?
15. Are you holding on to something that you should have let go of long ago?
16. If you were offered to move to another country forever, where would you go and why?
17. Does it ever happen that you nervously press the elevator call button several times? Do you really believe that the elevator will arrive faster this way?
18. Who would you like to become: an unhappy genius or a happy fool?
19. Why are you you?
20. Would you like a friend like yourself?
21. What would be worse: if your best friend moved abroad forever or if he lived nearby, but you stopped communicating?
22. What are you most grateful to the Universe for?
23. What will you choose: erase all your old memories or not accumulate new ones?
24. Is it possible to achieve the truth without fighting?
25. Has your biggest fear come true?
26. Do you remember how upset you were about something 5 years ago? Does this make any difference now?
27. What is your happiest childhood memory?
28. What events from the past made you feel, even for a moment, that you were alive?
29. If not now, then when?
30. If you haven't achieved something yet, you have nothing to lose, right?
31. Have you ever spent time with someone in complete silence, and then realized that it was the best conversation in your life?
32. Why did the religion that preaches love cause so many wars?
33. Is it possible to answer without thinking what is good and what is bad?
34. If a million dollars were placed in front of you now, would you quit your job?
35. Do you have the feeling that today has already been repeated hundreds of times before?
36. If everyone you know dies tomorrow, who will you visit today?
37. Would you trade 10 years of your life for worldwide fame?
38. Is there a difference between life and existence? Which?
39. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we so afraid to make them?
40. What would you do differently in your life, knowing that no one would do anything to you for it?
41. When was the last time you heard the sound of your own heartbeat?
42. What do you love most? What was the last thing you did that expressed this love?
43. Can you remember what you did yesterday? And the day before yesterday? And last week?
44. Do you make decisions yourself or does someone make them for you?
Some answers you didn't expect to hear from yourself? You managed to listen to your inner voice and find harmony with the world around you?
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As a personal trainer, I use specific, insightful questions to help my clients better understand themselves and to clarify their goals for me personally.
I usually ask open-ended questions that can't be answered with a simple yes or no, so the client has to dig deeper and find answers they may not have even thought about before. Asking the right questions can stimulate deeper, more interesting conversations and discourse, and set the stage for discovering common interests, creating stronger connections, and strengthening mutual understanding and empathy.
There is an art to asking good questions. No one wants to feel like they're being interviewed or like they're being pressured for information. An important and large part of this process lies in the ability to listen carefully to the answer and perceive what lies behind the words.
Listening also involves the ability to observe body language, listen to the tone of speech, and be sensitive to what is left unspoken. It is important to be able to ask thoughtful follow-up questions and keep the conversation going, reflecting its essence. By learning to ask good questions and listen carefully, you will create space for closer, stronger, and more enjoyable relationships.
Here are 25 questions that will help you start an interesting, deep conversation:
1. What is your best childhood memory? This question always makes people smile and often leads to humorous and emotional conversations about family, travel, holidays, traditions, hopes, dreams and friendships. You can learn a lot about a person who shares their childhood memories with you.
2. If you had a chance to change something in life, what would you choose? This question can give you insight into the person's condition and who they are. You will also be able to see his weaknesses and learn about his hopes and dreams. Often, when people share their regrets or unfulfilled desires with others, it broadens their interactions and increases trust.
3. How did you two meet? This is a great question to ask when communicating with a couple. Quite often, telling a story about a first meeting brings people together, bringing back happy memories. This gives them something to enjoy together and allows you to learn more about their background and how they interact with each other.
5. What kind of music do you like? Our favorite music helps define ourselves and reflects the dreams and views of our generation. What we listen to reflects what resonates with our soul. This most clearly and honestly reveals our inner essence and our deep beliefs, which are sometimes very difficult to express in words.
6. If you could go anywhere, where would you choose and why? This question not only allows you to discuss past travel experiences, but also helps you better understand the other person's personality, interests, and adventurous spirit.
7. If you could only have five things, what would you choose? This question really gets people thinking. We are very attached to our things, but there are only a few of them that are of particular importance to us. When people are forced to define this, you can see what material goods they value most.
8. What influence did your school teacher have on you? greatest influence and why? Teachers can play a key role in developing our love of learning, exploring our true desires, and discovering our talents. These people inspire us or simply believe in us and want the best for us.
9. Have you ever thought about what will be written on your tombstone? Although this question is a bit touchy, it touches on important topics, looking deep into the heart. What are we aiming for? How do we want to be remembered and what do we want to leave behind?
10. What was the turning point in your life? This question allows you to move to a deeper level of communication. Often such moments arise when experiencing difficult life situations: death, divorce, job loss, etc. It is during these times that we are forced to make huge mental, physical or emotional shifts.
11. Why did you choose this profession? The story of why a person chose a particular profession helps to learn a lot about him, about his motivations, interests, education and ambitions. We often spend most of our time at work. Consequently, the answer to this question also shows what a person has decided to closely connect his life with.
12. How do you spend your free time? This question serves as an excellent addition to the previous one, creating a holistic picture of how a person managed to organize his life. We will be able to learn about the interests, various hobbies and obligations of our interlocutor.
13. If you won the lottery, what would you do with your winnings? This is a fun question that reveals a person's attitude towards money, work and life goals. Would the person quit his job? Would you buy your dream home? Or would you do something altruistic? Would a person be happy to receive a large monetary fortune or would he want to avoid such gifts of fate?
14. Who do you admire? The answer to this question will reveal who a person wants to be like. We admire people whose actions and character reflect what we want to see in ourselves. Once you know the answer, you can learn more about the true character of the interlocutor.
15. Tell us about your three favorite books. Why did you choose them? Discussing your favorite books creates space for an interesting conversation and helps your interlocutors find mutual language. It also gives both parties the opportunity to learn something new and understand different points of view or interests that they had not thought about before.
16. What are you most afraid of? This question is intended to probe the waters and, nevertheless, can reveal a lot. Every person is afraid of something, and it is these fears and concerns that show our vulnerabilities and painful points. When someone shares something like this with you, you need to respond with caution, kindness, and trust. You need to be respectful and sensitive to other people's fears so that they feel safe and can open up to you on a deeper level.
17. What do you understand by the word “love”? Every person has their own “love language”: words, behaviors and attitudes that show how they express their love and that make them feel loved. This is a great question to ask your significant other.
18. What are your strongest qualities? Most people don't feel comfortable answering this question at first because they're trying to be modest. But deep down we all want recognition for our positive qualities. Typically, people ask the same question to their interlocutor and this creates a positive connection between them.
19. Can you remember your most embarrassing moment? You should not take this issue too seriously and then you can laugh heartily, remembering such moments. Most people like to tell funny stories about yourself, if there is no shame or guilt mixed in there. Sometimes people may talk about something painful or shameful. Then it's time to show compassion and participation.
20. If you became president, what would be the first thing you would do? By asking this question, you can learn a lot about the other person's political views, ideals, values, and concerns. If you want to avoid lengthy arguments, just be prepared for the possibility that you may not agree with the other person's opinion. Don't forget that we are all different and that's wonderful. Communication completes us. Be open.
21. How old do you feel now, and why? Ask this question to people over 50 and you'll get some interesting answers. As people age, many people do not feel their chronological age. It is very interesting to know how people perceive themselves internally. It is likely that their age does not coincide with their feelings at all.
22. If you could witness any event from the past, present or future, what would you choose? This is a great question for an engaging conversation. You'll be able to learn about the other person's interests and goals, and perhaps be inspired to explore your own interests more deeply.
23. What skill would you like to learn and why? Most of people want to constantly improve for their own satisfaction. This question will give a person the opportunity not only to talk about his desires, but also to think about why he has not yet achieved success in what he wants.
24. What is your idea of a perfect day? Reflecting on this question makes us return to memories of wonderful days lived. The question adds a happy note to the conversation, awakening pleasant feelings and perhaps even a desire to recreate that perfect day.
25. How would your friends describe you? This question allows a person to step back and try to see themselves from a different perspective, bringing self-awareness and self-honesty into the conversation, and making the conversation deeper and more interesting.
By asking these questions, you can also learn a lot about yourself. You show others that you are involved, interested, and respect their personality. You create strong connections, exchange of sincere feelings and genuine information. When others feel valued by you, you create the basis for lasting, mutually beneficial, wonderful relationships.